EZFKA

Doherty held off strong challenges from think tanks Grattan Institute and Burnet Institute, to be named the nation’s greatest private collection of intellectual prostitutes.

After signing up to the Institute’s Resilient City Program in 2015, Melbourne beat out many other contenders with a huge display of police brutality and crushing of dissent in the past month.

Senior Constable Benedict Arnold, was all fired up when he heard he was being dispatched to another protest, but was disappointed in the lack of opportunity for violence when the protestors disbanded peacefully.

“This is not only the largest clinical trial ever but also the largest Stanford Prison Experiment ever conducted. So, this will just silence them again until we inflate the cases and lock them down again.”

“It’s really lucky this man was treated in time, if he waited any longer he may have become a paraplegic”

Officially named the “June 4 Unit”, the officers who are all fluent in Mandarin and noted for their distinctive blue helmets, will be rolled out across Victoria to assist Victoria Police in enforcing lockdown.

“Those thousands of people that took to the streets last year have just disappeared. Given the way 2021 is playing out, the Rapture may have already occurred.”

The overseas advert campaign, which features celebrities Sam Dastyari, Kevin Rudd among other quislings, debuted to thunderous applause in mainland China and North Korea last night.

An EZFKA poll has found that Australian mainstream media journalists should be hung first, at the upcoming Nuremburg 2.0 trials. The poll, from the Presstitutes Get The Rope Institute, showed 110% of Australians think mainstream journalists from across the spectrum should face capitalist punishment for their conduct since March 2020. “Their data shows their conduct … Read more

Former opposition leader Bill Shorten has placed his entire life savings on the ALP losing the federal election next year, moments after calling all union members Nazis on the Today Show. The former opposition leader was seen at the local TAB in Moonee Ponds, putting a large multi on the Australian Federal Election, six months … Read more

Victoria Police have requested a No-Fly Zone so they can deploy newly acquired Predator drones from the CCP, over the Melbourne CBD. CASA have since denied the application, but have opened the door to potentially more opportunities for drone strikes later. “We will be working with Victoria Police to find an opportune time to deploy … Read more