A protester who attended Wednesday’s protest at the Shrine of Remembrance has been rushed to hospital with COVID-19. The protester was taken to the Alfred hospital after falling into a coma believed due to low blood oxygen levels caused by covid infection. X-rays of the man’s skull revealed covid had caused the right side of his skull to fracture along with his C5 vertebrae.
The man’s attending physician, Dr Hoodwink, said “It’s really lucky this man was treated in time, if he waited any longer he may have become a paraplegic.” Asked to describe the man’s symptoms, Dr Hoodwink said “Well his symptoms are very unusual for a respiratory virus, if I didn’t know better I would say that he was lifted off the ground from behind and his head piledriven into tiles. Of course we now know that head injuries are a common symptom of the Delta strain. Just last weekend we had a 74 year old woman come in with covid injuries to the back of her skull, gravel rash to her back and chemical burns to her eyes and throat.”
A friend of the man, identified only as Davo told reporters “I don’t understand how this could happen so quickly, he seems so fit and healthy. On Monday we must have walked and jogged 20km around the CBD and West Gate Bridge. On Tuesday we covered another 15km or so. He was in the prime of his life and now he may not be able to walk again due to covid.”
At today’s press briefing, CHO Brett Sutton stated “We know that this virus is a beast and continues to evolve new symptoms and spread rapidly outdoors. What we don’t want to see is any more cracked skulls simply because people are being selfish wanting to earn an income instead of following The Science™.”
At the press briefing Shane Patton interjected “Look we want everyone to get vaccinated ASAP. If people are worried about vaccine side effects like bruising then we can put a phone book over their injection site to stop that.”