The study, conducted by the Institute for Based Australians, has also confirmed that the average IQ in Australia has dropped at least 20 points in the last five years and almost none of the 2 million plus vaccinated are familiar with the concept of history.
A poll has found that Australians overwhelmingly support mainstream media journalists being made permanently non-essential. The poll, conducted by the Institute for Based Australians, found that 85% of Australians with IQ’s over 105 overwhelmingly support making mainstream media journalists permanently non-essential during and after the COVID19 pandemic. “Whether it’s Jon Faine deepthroating Daniel Andrews in … Read more
A new study has found a direct correlation between Australian lockdowns and the expiration dates of state of emergency powers. The study, from the Institute of Non-Globalist Shitcunts, has found that lockdowns always occur when state of emergency powers are due to expire or when significant holidays are about to commence. “We’ve found that state … Read more
A Victorian public sector worker in Brunswick has bravely shown solidarity with locked down Victorians on Twitter last night. After the fifth lockdown in the state of Victoria announced yesterday, Department of Health VPS6 executive manager Jane Davidson took to Twitter to show her support for Daniel Andrews from the comfort of her living room. … Read more
Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has announced that the upcoming quarantine facility to be built outside Melbourne, will be named “Glorious Linfox Centre For COVID Re-Education Through Hard Labour” The deal comes as lockdowns rage throughout Australia. The new facility will house “anti-vaxxers, returning citizens and anyone having political opinions not reflective of a fair, diverse … Read more
COVID Commander Lieutenant John Frewen has announced that summary executions will take place should Australians refuse the COVID vaccine. “We call it the Aussie version of the Escobar doctrine – plata o plomo. But this time it’s graphene oxide in place of the silver,” Frewen said. “Australians haven’t read the recent legislation in WA and … Read more
Prime Minister Scott Morrison has announced that Australians that refuse to take a COVID vaccine or get a vaccine passport will be issued a “Star of COVID” as a raft of globally co-ordinated measures hit Australia. The move comes after many Australians have refused to take the vaccine, citing numerous safety concerns, blatant coercion and … Read more
Health Minister Greg Hunt has denied accusations that his vaccine uptake statistics are completely made up, after claiming 4 trillion Australians were vaccinated yesterday. The Minister stated the numbers were 560% accurate and that no inflation of statistics or deceptiveness, such as the difference between offering vaccines in aged care and taking them, had occurred. … Read more
A breakthrough study has found that turning off Australian mainstream media outlets permanently solves COVID and has called for the lifting of all restrictions immediately. The study, conducted by the Institute of Non-Globalist Shitcunts, found that turning off Australian TV, radio and not reading corporate newspapers has a 100% efficacy on symptoms of COVID and … Read more
WA Premier Mark McGowan has locked down WA again, after evidence the Delta Echo Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Super Mega Purple Monkey Dishwasher has been discovered in a wastewater treatment plant. The discovery was made last night and has resulted in the entire state being locked down, with restrictions happening from tonight. McGowan said the discovery … Read more
The Economic Zone Formerly Known As Australia is facing a critical shortage of conspiracy theories, as more and more of them begin to come true. As lockdowns, QR code surveillance, masks and mandatory but not mandatory vaccinations proliferate, the Morrison government was concerned that the gap between conspiracy theory and fact was now down to … Read more
EZFKA’s newest non-ATO recognised religious organisation has really come to the fore since March 2020 – the Church of Branch Covidians. Which flavour of COVID Kool-Aid do you most identify with? The Vaccine Worshipper: Trademark catchphrase of “I want the Pfizer vaccine and not the AstraZeneca one” because blood clots. According to her, there’s absolutely … Read more
The Morrison government is understood to be in talks to introduce a new type of visa to EZFKA, that would allow migrants with no legal case but can run a convincing sob story, to stay in the country. The idea has been floated in the wake of the Tamil family saga, currently being saturated across … Read more
Exclusive: Victorian CMO Brett Sutton has given reporters an exclusive look at the supercomputer responsible for generating superfluous reasoning for ongoing lockdowns in Victoria. The supercomputer, alluded to by Premier Daniel Andrews last year and developed in conjunction with the CCP, generates random names for COVID strains and calculates just how many cases are needed … Read more
“We take a look into the future of what EZFKA will potentially look like at the end of the decade” A man in the EZFKA city of Sydney has been fined 100,000 social credit points, after missing his mandated monthly COVID jab. Luke Forrester, of the EZFKA subregion of Erina, realised he had not had … Read more
Property prices in Sydney have exploded to all-time highs after China launched a nuclear first strike on the east coast EZFKA city. After both countries traded firey rhetoric all week, China finally called Australia’s bluff and launched a first strike against Australia’s most populous city. Minutes after the ICBM impacted downtown Sydney, Domain recorded a … Read more
Greens Senator Mehreen Faruqi has timed the release of her new book “Too Migrant, Too Muslim, Too Loud” to perfection it seems as supermarkets across Melbourne have reported it sold out, as toilet paper shortages return to the EZFKA city. Coles and Woolworths have reported that sales of the book have been through the roof … Read more
Acting Victorian Premier James Merlino has stated that arbitrary lockdowns targeting the middle class will continue, until enough Victorians submit to experimental COVID vaccines. In the face of Victoria’s imploding economy, Merlino has stated that Victoria’s small businesses will be wearing the brunt of the losses if there is no uptake in vaccines. “As the … Read more
EZFKA Prime Minister Scott Morrison has stated that Australians will require regular vaccine updates for all 204 countries and variants of COVID, as they arise. With new COVID threats emerging every week, the Prime Minister has found innovative new ways to get on top of it in spite of hotel quarantine and get Aussies lining … Read more
A new study has found that construction workers in the EZFKA city of Melbourne are completely immune to COVID during lockdowns. The study, conducted by the Lowy Institute and Property Council of Australia, found that tradies working on construction sites wearing high visibility clothing were 100% immune to all strains of COVID. Acting Premier James … Read more
A Perth man has bravely come out from under his bed to see if the danger from the deadly COVID virus has subsided. John Morrison, 35 from Fremantle, went outside from under his bed for the first time in months to see if the danger had subsided. “Mate, Sunrise was telling me how deadly it … Read more
WA Premier Mark McGowan says at least 400,000 one bedroom apartments are needed to reboot the EZFKA state’s economy. McGowan stated that being reliant on the iron ore price was not a sound strategy and that eventually Perth would need to get with the times and fully embrace the real estate ponzi from the East … Read more
A Victorian government employee has won the coveted Victorian “Snitch of the Year” award for 2020, for his outstanding work shutting down businesses failing to comply with QR code check-ins. David Goldberg, an employee with the Victorian DHHS, was celebrated for shutting down over 105 businesses during 2020 lockdowns that failed to enforce the controversial … Read more
Residents of the EZFKA state of Victoria have started moving en masse to North Korea in a bid to escape continual lockdowns and arbitrary restrictions from COVID regulations. Melbourne in particular has experienced a mass exodus of former residents heading for North Korea, who have stated that they are hoping to experience some freedom and … Read more
Former Australian cricketer Michael Slater has blasted Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s flight ban from India, while on a conference call from a five-star resort in the Maldives. Slater, who had been in India for the now cancelled IPL along with other Australian cricketers, was unable to get a flight home to Australia and was forced … Read more
WA Premier Mark McGowan says best way to prevent future lockdowns is to use more private security, with a continued preference for Indian international students. After a near-miss from a returning traveller from an Indian wedding, the second lockdown in WA was caused by an international student working a second job as an Uber driver … Read more
The comments section of Macrobusiness was temporarily shutdown tonight, after a comment supporting Scott Morrison’s temporary travel ban from India managed to get past the censors. The comment from irregular user ‘Johnno1223’ stated that ‘the ban was only temporary and should be used to protect the citizens of EZFKA. Plus it has the added benefit … Read more
A dual-citizen Indian that has not been to the Economic Zone Formerly Known As Australia since 2013 has lashed out at the Morrison Government for abandoning him. Despite overwhelming public support for the ban and even more supporting a permanent ban on flights from India, dual citizens says they have been left in the dark. … Read more
The ALP has criticised the Morrison government for it’s temporary COVID travel ban with India, saying “it’s a racist, gross violation of human rights.” Anthony Albanese and Bill Shorten have both made statements in the last week opposing the bans originating from India to the Economic Zone Formerly Known As Australia, despite mass public support … Read more
