NSW ICU’s overrun with journalists attempting self-harm after Sydney residents ignore lockdown

ICU’s at NSW’s hospitals are at breaking point this evening with a record number of admissions for self-harm from mainstream media journalists, after witnessing Sydney residents telling them to get fucked over lockdown. Journalists from across the media were admitted to ICU’s across Sydney, sparking a crisis and condemnation for ‘taking up ICU spots.’ “It’s … Read more

Brendan Murphy awarded Father of the Year, Scott Morrison furious

Former Federal Chief Medical Officer Professor Brendan Murphy has been awarded Father of the Year for 2021. Best known for his poor response to the Covid19 pandemic which included bungling the hotel quarantine system, Professor Murphy found out about the award in the days prior to Father’s day, claiming it was a “huge and unexpected … Read more

Ardern announces new “Hug a Terrorist” protocol for NZ Police following Auckland terror attack

The Economic Zone Formerly Known as New Zealand was rocked by a mass stabbing incident by an alleged Sri Lankan migrant, which left six people in critical condition in hospital. The new directive will require all NZ Police officers to resolve violent crime and terror attacks with a hug, especially if the offender is wearing … Read more

AFL Grand Final to be played over six weeks after McGowan demands 14 days hotel quarantine between quarters

The first EZFKAFL Grand Final in Perth will be played over a six-week period, after Premier Mark McGowan ruled players will be required to quarantine for 14 days between quarters. McGowan is also demanding that players wear masks on the field at all times and that he reserved the right to cancel the game at … Read more