Satire

from EZFKA Prime Minister Scott Morrison appears to have sparked a massive protest with Canberra completely blockaded.

After Dr Kerry Chant’s disastrous “new world order” Freudian slip, Premier Berejiklian announced that this would be the end of the line for the daily doom show and that journalists would soon find out how non-essential they really are.

ICU’s at NSW’s hospitals are at breaking point this evening with a record number of admissions for self-harm from mainstream media journalists, after witnessing Sydney residents telling them to get fucked over lockdown. Journalists from across the media were admitted to ICU’s across Sydney, sparking a crisis and condemnation for ‘taking up ICU spots.’ “It’s … Read more

“That’s why we’ll be advocating the same policies be rolled out over a longer time period, with a few different kinds of minor crumbs thrown here and there.”

“With another injection room, you can inject your recreational drugs and assault nurses in a safe environment, without fear of stigma or ostracization.”

“It’s clearly been shown that patronising messages from people who deem themselves above everyone else are received well. That’s what pushed me over the edge and now I’m double jabbed,” Dave said.

“This is particularly crucial as the iron ore price continues to sink and perhaps the only way that I can keep the border closed domestically.”

“I’d like to thank the bots for their outstanding work in boosting my profile, particular the other day when I was waving my two-tier society father’s day celebrations in their face. The professional photographer really enjoyed all the excess likes.”

It is understood a delegation from EZFKA comprising of Australian Police Commissioners will also be in attendance, to study how best to manage the “Australian protests of the future.”

“Well, I never really wanted to take the jab and I’ve now only got about 5 years to live with a 66% mortality rate and shit quality of life. But hey, at least being snarky about 5G and putting something on social media was worth ending my life prematurely for.”

“I applaud a man that’s never run a business and worked exclusively in government his entire career to make a tough call like this,” John Stapleton of Small Business Victoria said.

“We promote an inclusive and safe environment here at Dan Dan’s, but if you haven’t had both jabs then you aren’t welcome,” Morrison said.

“Lockdown has provided us an opportunity to renovate. It’s all about public health, that’s why we’re also installing a special drunken violence space up the back and easy access ramp for drink drivers in our car park.”

A spokesman for the ATO says they were currently working on ways to punish the unvaccinated and have proposed an unvaccinated tax. It is understood that several ASX200 companies have also applied for unvaccinated status.

Premier Mark McGowan was quick to dismiss criticism that was just purely bullshit theatre and said he was committed to ‘keeping WA safe.”

“I’d like to make the point again that we’re all in this together and we recognise that this is First Nations land. Except if you’re an unvaccinated Wurundjeri or Yorta Yorta, at which point you aren’t welcome.”

The Economic Zone Formerly Known as New Zealand was rocked by a mass stabbing incident by an alleged Sri Lankan migrant, which left six people in critical condition in hospital. The new directive will require all NZ Police officers to resolve violent crime and terror attacks with a hug, especially if the offender is wearing … Read more

The first EZFKAFL Grand Final in Perth will be played over a six-week period, after Premier Mark McGowan ruled players will be required to quarantine for 14 days between quarters. McGowan is also demanding that players wear masks on the field at all times and that he reserved the right to cancel the game at … Read more