New poll shows Australians overwhelmingly support making mainstream media journalists permanently non-essential

A poll has found that Australians overwhelmingly support mainstream media journalists being made permanently non-essential. The poll, conducted by the Institute for Based Australians, found that 85% of Australians with IQ’s over 105 overwhelmingly support making mainstream media journalists permanently non-essential during and after the COVID19 pandemic. “Whether it’s Jon Faine deepthroating Daniel Andrews in … Read more

New study finds direct correlation between Australian lockdowns and expiration dates of state of emergency powers

A new study has found a direct correlation between Australian lockdowns and the expiration dates of state of emergency powers. The study, from the Institute of Non-Globalist Shitcunts, has found that lockdowns always occur when state of emergency powers are due to expire or when significant holidays are about to commence. “We’ve found that state … Read more

Victorian public servant with guaranteed income bravely tweets support for fifth lockdown while working from home

A Victorian public sector worker in Brunswick has bravely shown solidarity with locked down Victorians on Twitter last night. After the fifth lockdown in the state of Victoria announced yesterday, Department of Health VPS6 executive manager Jane Davidson took to Twitter to show her support for Daniel Andrews from the comfort of her living room. … Read more

New Melbourne Quarantine Facility to be named “Glorious Linfox Centre For COVID Re-Education Through Hard Labour”

Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has announced that the upcoming quarantine facility to be built outside Melbourne, will be named “Glorious Linfox Centre For COVID Re-Education Through Hard Labour” The deal comes as lockdowns rage throughout Australia. The new facility will house “anti-vaxxers, returning citizens and anyone having political opinions not reflective of a fair, diverse … Read more

Frewen promises mandatory lead injections for those who refuse ”totally not mandatory” injection

COVID Commander Lieutenant John Frewen has announced that summary executions will take place should Australians refuse the COVID vaccine. “We call it the Aussie version of the Escobar doctrine – plata o plomo. But this time it’s graphene oxide in place of the silver,” Frewen said. “Australians haven’t read the recent legislation in WA and … Read more

Scott Morrison announces new “Star of COVID” for those Australians who refuse the jab

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has announced that Australians that refuse to take a COVID vaccine or get a vaccine passport will be issued a “Star of COVID” as a raft of globally co-ordinated measures hit Australia. The move comes after many Australians have refused to take the vaccine, citing numerous safety concerns, blatant coercion and … Read more

Greg Hunt denies vaccine statistics “made up” after record 4 trillion Australians vaccinated yesterday

Health Minister Greg Hunt has denied accusations that his vaccine uptake statistics are completely made up, after claiming 4 trillion Australians were vaccinated yesterday. The Minister stated the numbers were 560% accurate and that no inflation of statistics or deceptiveness, such as the difference between offering vaccines in aged care and taking them, had occurred. … Read more

Study finds ignoring Australian mainstream media permanently cures COVID

A breakthrough study has found that turning off Australian mainstream media outlets permanently solves COVID and has called for the lifting of all restrictions immediately. The study, conducted by the Institute of Non-Globalist Shitcunts, found that turning off Australian TV, radio and not reading corporate newspapers has a 100% efficacy on symptoms of COVID and … Read more

McGowan shuts borders again after new Delta Echo Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Super Mega Purple Monkey Dishwasher variant discovered

WA Premier Mark McGowan has locked down WA again, after evidence the Delta Echo Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Super Mega Purple Monkey Dishwasher has been discovered in a wastewater treatment plant. The discovery was made last night and has resulted in the entire state being locked down, with restrictions happening from tonight. McGowan said the discovery … Read more

Australia facing critical shortage of conspiracy theories as more continue to come true

The Economic Zone Formerly Known As Australia is facing a critical shortage of conspiracy theories, as more and more of them begin to come true. As lockdowns, QR code surveillance, masks and mandatory but not mandatory vaccinations proliferate, the Morrison government was concerned that the gap between conspiracy theory and fact was now down to … Read more

Which type of Australian Branch Covidian Cult Member are you?

EZFKA’s newest non-ATO recognised religious organisation has really come to the fore since March 2020 – the Church of Branch Covidians. Which flavour of COVID Kool-Aid do you most identify with? The Vaccine Worshipper: Trademark catchphrase of “I want the Pfizer vaccine and not the AstraZeneca one” because blood clots. According to her, there’s absolutely … Read more

Scott Morrison to introduce new “immigrant sob story” visa for migrants with no legal basis to stay in Australia

The Morrison government is understood to be in talks to introduce a new type of visa to EZFKA, that would allow migrants with no legal case but can run a convincing sob story, to stay in the country. The idea has been floated in the wake of the Tamil family saga, currently being saturated across … Read more

Brett Sutton reveals “COVID Strain Name Generator” supercomputer used for determining arbitrary lockdowns

Exclusive: Victorian CMO Brett Sutton has given reporters an exclusive look at the supercomputer responsible for generating superfluous reasoning for ongoing lockdowns in Victoria. The supercomputer, alluded to by Premier Daniel Andrews last year and developed in conjunction with the CCP, generates random names for COVID strains and calculates just how many cases are needed … Read more

Sydney house prices up 150% after Chinese nuclear strike hits CBD

Property prices in Sydney have exploded to all-time highs after China launched a nuclear first strike on the east coast EZFKA city. After both countries traded firey rhetoric all week, China finally called Australia’s bluff and launched a first strike against Australia’s most populous city. Minutes after the ICBM impacted downtown Sydney, Domain recorded a … Read more

Coles, Woolworths report Mehreen Faruqi’s new book sold out as Melbourne’s toilet paper shortage worsens

Greens Senator Mehreen Faruqi has timed the release of her new book “Too Migrant, Too Muslim, Too Loud” to perfection it seems as supermarkets across Melbourne have reported it sold out, as toilet paper shortages return to the EZFKA city. Coles and Woolworths have reported that sales of the book have been through the roof … Read more

Middle-class crushing lockdowns will continue until Victorians submit to vaccine, says Merlino

Acting Victorian Premier James Merlino has stated that arbitrary lockdowns targeting the middle class will continue, until enough Victorians submit to experimental COVID vaccines. In the face of Victoria’s imploding economy, Merlino has stated that Victoria’s small businesses will be wearing the brunt of the losses if there is no uptake in vaccines. “As the … Read more

Morrison says Australians will need a vaccine jab for all 204 countries and their respective variants

EZFKA Prime Minister Scott Morrison has stated that Australians will require regular vaccine updates for all 204 countries and variants of COVID, as they arise. With new COVID threats emerging every week, the Prime Minister has found innovative new ways to get on top of it in spite of hotel quarantine and get Aussies lining … Read more

Study finds wearing high visibility clothing on Melbourne construction sites provides complete immunity from COVID

A new study has found that construction workers in the EZFKA city of Melbourne are completely immune to COVID during lockdowns. The study, conducted by the Lowy Institute and Property Council of Australia, found that tradies working on construction sites wearing high visibility clothing were 100% immune to all strains of COVID. Acting Premier James … Read more

Victorian government employee wins “Snitch of the Year” award after shutting down 100 businesses for QR code violations

A Victorian government employee has won the coveted Victorian “Snitch of the Year” award for 2020, for his outstanding work shutting down businesses failing to comply with QR code check-ins. David Goldberg, an employee with the Victorian DHHS, was celebrated for shutting down over 105 businesses during 2020 lockdowns that failed to enforce the controversial … Read more

Michael Slater blasts Scomo’s India flight ban from five-star resort in the Maldives

Former Australian cricketer Michael Slater has blasted Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s flight ban from India, while on a conference call from a five-star resort in the Maldives. Slater, who had been in India for the now cancelled IPL along with other Australian cricketers, was unable to get a flight home to Australia and was forced … Read more

McGowan says best way to prevent future lockdowns is using more Indian security guards working multiple jobs

WA Premier Mark McGowan says best way to prevent future lockdowns is to use more private security, with a continued preference for Indian international students. After a near-miss from a returning traveller from an Indian wedding, the second lockdown in WA was caused by an international student working a second job as an Uber driver … Read more

Macrobusiness comments section shut down after pro-Scott Morrison comment gets past censor and causes turmoil

The comments section of Macrobusiness was temporarily shutdown tonight, after a comment supporting Scott Morrison’s temporary travel ban from India managed to get past the censors. The comment from irregular user ‘Johnno1223’ stated that ‘the ban was only temporary and should be used to protect the citizens of EZFKA. Plus it has the added benefit … Read more

Dual-citizen Indian that hasn’t been to Australia in ten years says he’s been abandoned by the Morrison government travel ban

A dual-citizen Indian that has not been to the Economic Zone Formerly Known As Australia since 2013 has lashed out at the Morrison Government for abandoning him. Despite overwhelming public support for the ban and even more supporting a permanent ban on flights from India, dual citizens says they have been left in the dark. … Read more

“Keep the borders open with India” says party still unsure why they lost 2019 federal election

The ALP has criticised the Morrison government for it’s temporary COVID travel ban with India, saying “it’s a racist, gross violation of human rights.” Anthony Albanese and Bill Shorten have both made statements in the last week opposing the bans originating from India to the Economic Zone Formerly Known As Australia, despite mass public support … Read more