Minister Sinister 
Andrews called protestors extremists, despite months of Victoria Police-led bashings, shootings and general violence and arrests of political dissent.
Stenographers from across the media have lashed out on Twitter, saying they’re disappointed that they weren’t able to go on yet another insufferable, bullshit tirade about ‘Americans and Guns’ and that they’ll be praying for another mass casualty event to stand on the graves of the Port Arthur victims again.
As the flights to EZFKA return, foreign students say they are already looking to do fuck all and get their degrees off the backs of locals, while checking out the property market for their parents.
Capp says the move will hopefully drive property prices back up to sustainable levels while international students remain outside EZFKA.
The strain was uncovered right after the new Omicron variant was released last week, sending thousands of EZFKA residents back under their bed and reaching for the Depends.
The study, conducted by the Cash For Comment institute, has found that the latest Omnicron variant has appeared just as protest numbers nationwide reach record numbers and Victoria is set to vote on the permanent pandemic legislation.
Under the new rule, teams would be allowed to forfeit if too many players collapse from heart attacks during the game, however the opposing side would be awarded the win and the three points. Forfeit would also mean automatic elimination from the FFA Cup.
The video, released on Youtube last night by the Corporate Media Are Fucking Cringe Assciation, is a detailed instructional to de-program your family members and stop them from listening to anything David Koch or Natalie Barr says.
The struggling hospitality sector, which spent the last 18 months bending over for government mandates, is delighted that cheap imported labour is back to save the day and the EZFKA spirit of exploitation is in vogue again.
“We’ve tried labelling them Nazis over and over again, but people can see that’s just a complete wank. God help us if they ever read about what the Bolsheviks did because it is Soviet Russia all over again.”
After winning the Controlled Opposition of the Year Award, Guy said he’s more than prepared to sell out the Victorian public and has a proven track record of doing so, as the Andrews government struggles to find a deciding vote.
Lambie is apparently under the care of Baphomet until further notice.
Meddick gave several versions of events on 3AW, but says his story will change as new information comes to light.
Lowe slammed suggestions that he should actually do something and confirmed that with borders re-opening negative rates aren’t needed ‘just yet.’
RBA Governor Phil Lowe says he remains committed to ‘lowering rates and opening the gates’ regardless of who is in Kirribilli House.
Federal Labor leader Anthony Albanese has also authorised the deployment of Aldi bags full of cash from the NSW Labor branch, to ensure the integrity of the vote from the crossbench.
Bandt, speaking from his private charter jet on with Sarah Hanson-Young, called for all volcanoes to be permanently imploded as well as a ban on lava.
As the price drops below $90USD a ton, McGowan says he’s been doing everything he can to come across as a right prick, particularly when it comes to keeping the border closed.
Protestors have vowed to bring a guillotine and are believed to be sourcing a wall for a firing squad, once trials across Australia are completed.
The controversial legislation, which saw record protests on the weekend, will be watered down initially to placate the public. The full raft of measures is estimated to pass around January when people aren’t paying attention.
It is believed that a trending Twitter hashtag acted as a trigger which drove McCrone over the edge, after 48 hours claiming to see ‘far right QAnon extremists everywhere.’
Keneally will be touring Denpasar next week, to show her support for opening the back door to Australia’s border.
Journalists from the Sydney Morning Herald in particular have already begun preparations to continue to scare the shit out of the public, with COP26 winding down in Glasgow.
The post, which many have claimed is an attempt to counter signal No Nut November, was made last week on Facebook to much derision.
An inquiry is now underway into the incident which is expected to go nowhere.
After months of firing people for not submitting to an experimental medical procedure, Morrison said the time was ripe for replacing skilled EZFKA workers with lower wage, foreign counterparts.
“All it will take is a few dissenting members to grow a set and dissent on the vote. Although that’s too much to ask from some of them clearly.”
The tapes, which apparently are of Daniel Andrews in many compromising positions on his last trip to China, will be deleted if the legislation passes.
he move comes after claims of Wilkinson’s move to Channel Ten over a gender pay gap dispute were found to be largely bullshit and purely about money.
Opposition leader Anthony Albanese stated his party will be disproportionately impacted by the proposals, particularly in the migrant areas at the state level.
