NSW ICU’s overrun with journalists attempting self-harm after Sydney residents ignore lockdown

ICU’s at NSW’s hospitals are at breaking point this evening with a record number of admissions for self-harm from mainstream media journalists, after witnessing Sydney residents telling them to get fucked over lockdown. Journalists from across the media were admitted to ICU’s across Sydney, sparking a crisis and condemnation for ‘taking up ICU spots.’ “It’s … Read more

AFL Grand Final to be played over six weeks after McGowan demands 14 days hotel quarantine between quarters

The first EZFKAFL Grand Final in Perth will be played over a six-week period, after Premier Mark McGowan ruled players will be required to quarantine for 14 days between quarters. McGowan is also demanding that players wear masks on the field at all times and that he reserved the right to cancel the game at … Read more

Chant, Sutton, Wiemar to headline 2022 Melbourne International Comedy Festival

Chief Health Officers in respective EZFKA states have been announced as headline acts for the 2022 Melbourne International Comedy Festival. The 2022 event, sponsored by Pfizer, will feature the best of Australia’s material from daily press conferences performed live. “It’s been non-stop comedy gold every day at 11am, so we thought why don’t we ask … Read more

Fights break out across Australia as triple vaccinated accuse double vaccinated of being ‘vaccine hesitant’

The triple vaccinated are demanding that double vaccinated be barred from buying groceries, going across state borders and sent to quarantine facilities until they receive their booster shot. They’re also demanding that they be forced to wear some kind of identifier on their clothing, to let strangers know they’re only double vaccinated.

“Stop being selfish and follow the rules” says Melbourne man on Facebook demanding the closure of small business to “keep him safe”

“I don’t care how many people kill themselves, go bankrupt, lose their relationships and everything they’ve worked for, that’s not the point you selfish pricks. Bloody selfish arseholes putting people at risk with a disease with a 99.98% survival rate that affects mainly elderly and obese. Do as your bloody told!”