Novak Djokovic releases new line of table salt exclusive to Victoria to commemorate Australian Open exemption
The table salt is said to contain the tears of every ALP voter in the state, harvested fresh from testing centres around the state.
Satire
History made as Australia Post hire delivery rider that isn’t Indian student working illegally
Peter Smith, who was recently let go from his other job due to jab mandates, was the first hire in over 5 years that wasn’t an Indian student breaching his visa conditions somehow.
Melbourne Greens voter looking forward to return of mass immigration so she can have third worlders deliver her food and drive her around
Self-described ‘self-loathing progressive’ Jane Smith, 34, from Northcote says she was excited for thousands of Indians and Nepalese to return and deliver her food and that any objections to the social cost of mass immigration was ‘pure racism.’
Doherty Institute experts say another arbitrary lockdown prior to 2022 school year will help boost vaccination in children
The new modelling, which will not be released, shows that a two-to-four-week lockdown right before schools go back will help get needles into arms.
Betoota Advocate apologise for missing annual token stab at the ALP
The apology was issued after Betoota realised it went all of 2021 without an article mocking the ALP, and that the upcoming 2022 election would make it obvious to those still on the fence that they’re just an ALP mouthpiece.
Friendlyjordies, Aussie Cossack, Avi Yemeni named finalists for 2021 Grifter of the Year award
Friendlyjordies, Aussie Cossack and Avi Yemeni will wait to see who will take home the coveted award, which saw a larger than usual field this year.
Paul Keating thanks Ghislaine Maxwell for not naming him during trial
The long-time friend of ‘Lolita Express’ regular Bill Clinton has expressed relief as the judge sealed the records, for at least as long a period as the Wood Commission report.
Testing sites overrun with hypochondriacs being tested unnecessarily for COVID19
Pfizer has announced they are currently in talks with Prime Minister Scott Morrison for supplying more Raid Antigen Tests as per the contract agreement.
Victoria to become world leader in black outs with approval of largest ever wind farm project
The project, designed to placate the inner-city wanker voter base, will begin construction next year with an estimated over run and blowout cost of at least $30 billion after union fees and payments to Chicoms.
New Victorian law requires people to do Rapid Antigen Test before doing Rapid Antigen Test
The law, being introduced by the Andrews government, will see it mandatory to under go at least two RAT’s before being considered Covid negative.
WA tourism operator thanks Mark McGowan for keeping WA safe with border closures prior to committing suicide
Mark Peterson left a touching suicide note for the state premier before hanging himself in his garage, citing the need to keep people safe from death from a disease they have a 99.9% chance of surviving, no matter what the cost.
Australian man spending Christmas in quarantine glad he got vaccinated so he could travel
Brian Normieson, of Newcastle, says taking two doses of a trial vaccine was totally worth it to not spend scheduled time with his family for the first time in two years, and be herded straight off the plane into a quarantine facility.