Satire

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has stated he believes ten boosters would be the minimum requirement for Australians to be considered fully vaccinated.

Experts say the modelling, which won’t be made public, show that deaths will occur in the thousands per minute if more jabs in arms aren’t administered immediately and fear porn isn’t ratcheted right back up.

Thousands of other travellers also used the name ‘Andrew Forrest’ producing the exact same result, with Perth Airport overwhelmed with arrivals and WA Police unable to do anything.

Albanese said the only commitment he was prepared to follow through on was unlimited Indian grandmothers via the parental visa scheme, to be announced at a later date.

Michael Johnson from Sydney, stated that the only way to ‘end this draconian nightmare’ was to continue to do what he was told by public health bureaucrats and that a third year of unquestioning compliance will definitely change things for the better.

McGowan says he ‘remains committed’ to gaslighting the population, and that three months was ample time for a slew of new variants and excuses to extend the border closure beyond February.

Hawke will also be providing access to QR code check-in data to Indian students as part of the agreement, for data mining purposes.

OMCG groups have reportedly already begun investing in shipping containers despite a global shortage.

Suspicions were raised when Albanese and Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews were photographed having a barbeque with steaks that appeared completely uncooked.

Chris Webb, a 14-year veteran of Fairfax, was terminated after being unable to write an article blaming ‘neo-nazi white supremacists’ for rising property prices during the COVID pandemic.

Morrison said the new legislation will go that one step further and that ‘private companies can do anything we want them to for our mutual benefit.’