Novak Djokovic releases new line of table salt exclusive to Victoria to commemorate Australian Open exemption

Tennis star Novak Djokovic has announced he is releasing a new line of salts to commemorate his vaccine exemption to play in the 2022 Australian Open.

The table salt is said to contain the tears of every ALP voter in the state, harvested fresh from COVID testing centres around the state.

“I’m really excited to release this product ahead of the Australian Open. It will go perfect with your chips while you’re watching the AFL do whatever the fuck they want and not feeling as outraged about that for some reason,” Djokovic said.

“I’ve been nice enough to send some sample copies to every mainstream journalist and ALP voter in the state, after all if it’s free then you are the product.”

It is understood that the salt will also contain added oestrogen and soy specifically native to Melbourne, with Daniel Andrews set to star in upcoming advertisements during the tournament.

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Agent 47

Fucking LOL

Scomo has essentially nown intervened and has him locked up at the airport. Pure electioneering bullshit.

bjw678

Visa cancelled.
lol. Scomo beats dan…

The90kwbeast

Yes unfortunately this satire didn’t play out into reality

Agent 47

Probably not the end of it tbh.

That being said, if it wasn’t an election year no one would have given a fuck.

Victoria just keeps finding ways to dig it’s own grave.

Coming

This is the most hilarious shit show I’ve ever seen

50,000 cases a day (probably 3-4x that number in reality given the lack of testing )

yet this one uninfected guy, who is one of the fittest people on the planet and has confirmed natural immunity far superior to the clot shots , is going to ruin everything

the sheer lunacy and illogical hypocrisy has never been more apparent than right now

so glad scomo kicked him out after Dan tried so hard to squirm his way around it

the only way it gets more perfect is if scomo backflips again , Novak wins the tournament, and a vaccinated player drops dead on live tv from a heart attack

fuck Melbourne and all the tennis poofters as well

Agent 47

No argument here.

Novak would have won by default when every other cunt had a stroke or heart attack anyway.

Peachy

the only way it gets more perfect is if scomo backflips again , Novak wins the tournament, and a vaccinated player drops dead on live tv from a heart attack

that would be epic!

bjw678

Frankly, what’s the point in stopping anyone coming in with 50,000 cases a day locally. That horse has long bolted.

Reus's Large MEMBER

This exactly, they are going to let 100k “skilled workers” in anyway so not sure why we are worrying about 1 dude who has better immunity than those with the vaccine.

Peachy

Yes, good point.

But I guess that a:

  • white dude
  • who earns millions and
  • is, literally, number 1 in his field

is not the kind of “skilled worker” that EZFKA is looking for. In fact, seems like he has 3 strikes against him…

Agent 47

#4 And doesn’t own an IP here.

Agent 47

This.

Chinese Astroturfer

I think it’s wonderful.

Australia has one of the highest vaccinated populations on Earth but on a per capita basis one of the highest infection rates in the world in summer no less when respiratory illnesses are many times lower than the dead of winter.

Australians are sanctimonious scum. Quick to respond with aggression, general accepted level of bullying. I hope they enjoyed standing over the best player of all time and the airport and doing their best to humiliate him because he won’t be back and the Open won’t stay in Australia for many more years.

Just a big Aussie pile on everyone getting their moment of glory.

canuckdownunder

And now they are scaremongering to gets kids vaxxed ASAP. How the fuck can they say schools will be super spreader events if the kids aren’t vaxxed? Are the sheeple really that stupid that they think these phony vaxx prevent spreading? We truly live in bizarro world.

Peachy

Yes. They are really that stupid.

Agent 47

Judging by the people lining up for testing and boosters in Melbourne, yes there is no hope for them.

Ramjet

The number of cases will crash prior to the school year commencing. NSW will hit its peak next week or the week after and numbers will soon crash after that.

Reus's Large MEMBER

Two years of fear mongering has done the trick

Chinese Astroturfer

I’d move out of this country tomorrow if I had no ties and didn’t have to start over.

It’s the people. Politicians only respond to the people that vote them in. Scared middle class, sanctimonious, hypocritical faggots.

emusplatt

yep these heart of gold* types wouldn’t survive a green apple shit! they are hateful and stupid.
*small..yellow

Peachy

I’d move out of this country tomorrow if I had no ties and didn’t have to start over.

ah, but you see, that’s everyone’s calculus. And that’s why the EZFKA legacy units put up with it all. And will continue to put up with it all. In droves.

stagmal

… why even have him come all the way here at all, only to screw him at the last minute? there’s like, no common courtesy or decency surrounding any of this, the australian government behaves with the same level of capriciousness and viciousness as a flighty, flakey emotionally abusive woman with borderline personality disorder.

Peachy

I think it’s a power thing.

kill the chicken to scare the monkey, and all that.

Chinese Astroturfer

That’s how Aussies behave him general. The aggression goes from 0-100 in an instant when there’s any kind of confrontation, there’s an accepted level of bullying that’s always present.

He’s eastern European he’s basically a n****** in many Aussies eyes. Go back to 2014 and the PM was threatening to body check Putin. That’s the Aussie mentality there.

This treatment of Djokovic is bullying almost because the opportunity presented itself. Everyone gets to look tough on COVID, Craig Tiley will ultimately be the scapegoat.

Ramjet

Aren’t there other players that got exemptions? In which case, it is all a farce especially considering there are tens of thousands of cases per day.

stagmal

this is some creepy puritanical shit at this point

the vaccine isnt even acknowledged or required for its actual value, it’s seen as this weird protective talisman with religious and spiritual qualities

like garlic or a crucifix in warding off vampires

Last edited 12 days ago by stagmal
Peachy

Nailing it today, stagmal.

it’s the group-belonging signal. The tribal tattoo, the Masonic secret handshake.

The90kwbeast

Indeed, it’s the only suggestion that makes any sense at this point.

We’ve gone full blown crazy.

bjw678

the vaccine isnt even acknowledged or required for its actual value, it’s seen as this weird protective talisman with religious and spiritual qualities

This ties into

Are the sheeple really that stupid

The answer is yes, a lot of them are and if the government and media says it works, and acts as though they believe it works, then the sheeple will believe them no matter what other evidence is presented.

Chinese Astroturfer

Most people don’t think they just believe what they are told and then repeat it.

Chinese Astroturfer

It’s been repeated all throughout history. The Inquisition, Galileo spent the remainder of his life under house arrest for questioning the science of the day. 500 years ago if you didn’t believe in ghosts, spirits, the church you would be shunned by society.

canuckdownunder

Why was only Novak detained? Is the rest of team vaxxed or are they just screwing him over so daggy dad Scummo can score some political points?

Agent 47

Pretty much. Allegedly other unvaxxed players granted exemptions as well.

Peachy

I guess he didn’t have the right “papers”?

Vaccinazi

Apparently it is the YMT1F paper.

You Missed This 1 Form paper

plaguerat

Australia……once again a world leader……..for all the wrong reasons:

Sport’s ‘big three’ vaccine holdouts are forced to the fore

But no sooner had it been confirmed that Djokovic’s (apparently anonymous) application had received a thumbs-up, than the Serb had found himself in the firing line – with Australian PM Scott Morrison fuming that the tennis star will be on the “next flight home” unless every ‘I’ is dotted and ‘T’ is crossed to his approval.

https://www.rt.com/sport/545199-sports-covid-vaccine-holdouts/

Vaccinazi

By the way the things have unfolded, this is the speculation of the most likely sequence of events:
* Djoker applies incognito for exemption base and, “rules are rules”, unbeknownst to authorities of the highest order gets one.
* Djoker applies for work permit as required by .gov.au and some pen pusher confirms Djoker ticks all the boxes and visa is granted. Rules are rules.
Nota bene, states are required to sponsor all work permit tennis players which is usually done unquestionable. Not quite the rules but it is done in the best interests of sport otherwise only Aussies can play and AO would become A-Closed
* Djoker then publishes the fact that 2 independent authorities have deemed his application as successful and this stirs the hornet.
* the regime ends up looking like donkeys by the legislation not siding with their wishes to make an example for all, scrambles to see how to remedy their image. Rules? What rules?
* a ye olde rule is invoked, applications with grammatical errors like i’s and t’s not being crossed is deemed invalid as not written in clear Aussie English and”fail to provide evidence to support claim” big rubber stamp is wetted again. Because rules?
* media spruiker the m3me that “it was Djoker who’s to blame for all of us being locked and jabbed” and that gets the fertile soil in most “waxing misery always seek the company” mob, all 1500-ish of them. The rest just read the news and continue to deliver cans of Ziklon-B as per order.

Djoker will not play in Melbourne.
AO is likely to be in shambles because so many things were not halal.
Regime will quadruple down in claims no wax no play, because, eh, rules.
Exemptions will be silently removed due to popular demand.

Ramjet

Yeah, something like this happened with filling out the application:
https://youtu.be/hPN03dADtYM

Peachy

A+ for understanding EZFKA processes!

plaguerat

Vaccinazi

Sir Humphrey Applebys’ office called, and wanted to know if you would be interested in a senior advisory position.

I told them that I would pass this on, but I thought that you were totally involved in your current position of Election Strategy Advisor.

stagmal

and who will gaf about the open now that novak aint gonna be there, it’s now the fischer price version, the kidz bop edition, whoever wins will never feel they truly won deep down bc he wasnt there to compete

Ramjet

Plus it will be a ratings disaster. Missing Federer, Nadal and now Djokovic, who will want to watch?

Hoody

It all makes sense now

IMG_3227.jpg
T

It’s a testament to how good a politician Scomo is, that he never misses a chance to screw over political opponents.

Not since the rodent have we had such clear headed political leadership with absolutely no regrets.

Its unfortunate, but you have to give Scomo credit for his take no prisoners approach at least.

Agent 47

If Djokovic gets it overturned then Scomo will go “well I did everything I could” and heap the blame on Dan for not supporting it.

Anyways, fuck Melbourne and let it implode. Would not be surprised if the Australian Open is moved next year.

Ramjet

If the CCP didn’t botch the whole Peng Shuai thing, it would probably be moved to Shenzhen or Shanghai next year given this farce. Not that I would miss it.

Agent 47

Ironic that China locks up Peng Shuai and now we’re doing this shit.

Hoody

McKay shares:

“Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they recover their senses slowly, and one by one.” (p. 5)

Very slowly it seems.

DictatorDavid

Rumors swirling that more lockdowns are coming in Vic…

Hoody

Please explain….I think regional Vic will grab their bat and ball, and refuse to play

Peachy

Lockdowns over summer would be an atrocious clusterfuck.

  • summer has the 2 weeks that melburnians can go to the beach
  • it would look like a massive vaccine failure x 3
  • If it’s to “save the health system from overload” – it brings back into focus the fact that Dan lied about 4,000 ICU beds
  • fucks up Aus Open
  • delays next batch of students/Uber drivers
  • runs the risk of govt losing control of the narrative altogether – eg if they lock down and the cases keep rocketing [reasonable likelihood of this, because more and more people DGAF about the overtly political “rules”]

on the other hand:

Last edited 11 days ago by Peachy
Agent 47

I’m agreeing with Sinister, it will happen. Also to drive up booster intake.

Hoody
stagmal

where? no way could they pull that off again

Agent 47

The law hasn’t mattered for 18 months. It’s only going to get rougher.

Ramjet

Vic is full of lock up down people, so it can be done.

If lockdown 6 was anything to go by, compliance will be patchy. Plus Covid is everywhere, everyone knows at least several people who have Covid. So it will be pointless.

Peachy

where? no way could they pull that off again

maybe just a short sharp one, to flatten the curve?

Reus's Large MEMBER

“2 weeks” TM

bjw678

from 30,000 cases a day i imagine it will be a 6 month 2 weeks…

DictatorDavid

So apparently they’ve just announced a density quota from midnight. One person per square meters in indoor entertainment and hospo venues.
Also apparently 1 in 50 Victorian has the coof

Tighter restrictions are coming for sure. I have no doubt they’ve come out with this to try and take the publicity away from the Novak farce.

Ramjet

Tighter restrictions like the NT?

DictatorDavid

The unwaxxed in NT are now treated harsher than convicted criminals. Waxxine passport incoming too…

Hoody

Note these are hospitalizations, not cases. Contrast with UK vaccination rate: 70.6% fully vaccinated, 77.1% at least one shot, 50.9% boosted:

Number of Omicron hospitalizations in England by vaccination status

– 66.4% Fully Vaccinated
– 6.1% Partially Vaccinated
– 25.3% Not Vaccinated

If we can reverse the ‘snip’ can we reverse the Vax?

Hoody

https://mobile.twitter.com/apompliano/status/1478059547688374281?s=21

I wonder what our breakdown would look like?

Hoody

Not sure how to beat top this.

FIXHdAWX0AQsb1g.jpg
stagmal

somebody got banned from the AFL subreddit unless they could produce evidence to the mods they were fully vaccinated

no joke

Reus's Large MEMBER

Just when you thought that we had reached peak stupid, something like this comes along …. LOL

Vaccinazi

Don’t get caught in Steve Keene fallacy.
Peak stupid is like alien life forms. We know they’re there just don’t know where.
Possibilities for expansion are limitless

bjw678

peak stupid is an illusion, you can always go bigger…

Shae The Burmese

Wow. I’m speechless. I just stared off into the distance trying to conjure up a response. I literally couldn’t think of one.

Chinese Astroturfer

This is scandalous and won’t be forgotten. Australia will lose the Open because of this. Serves them right. There’s a contract until 2039, but I’m sure there are ways to either get out of the contract or to discourage the top players from attending by changing the rankings points. Take away the top players and suddenly no sponsorship, it would fall apart in no time. They’d play in China, or rotate it around Asia, maybe make Indian Wells a major every few years. Lot of options, all of them better than hosting in Melbourne in authoritarian Australia where the best player of all time is treated like a common criminal for showing up at the airport with a visa the Australian government gave him, he’s worked with Tennis Australia to go through the process of getting the exemption from two medical panels, he’s done everything in good faith.

Peachy

-Is Novak a bitch?
….
-then why do you fuck him like a bitch?!

Gouda

Actually feel bad for Djoko, as it looks like he’s being used as a political football to make Morrison look like a faux “tough on borders” guy.

There’s also something that makes me think Immigration approved the visa just so Morrison could revoke it. Should be interesting to see what happens as it looks like it’s going to court.

emusplatt

that has to be the case I reckon..feds. control visa issuance..
only morrison would think this tactic is clever…

Agent 47

IMO i think there was no issue initially given the AO sponsorship money etc, but it was decided recently as a cover for everything else going on. Supply chain is imploding and food shortages are about to kick off but everyone is talking about Novak.

My 2 cents.

Peachy

Supply chain is imploding and food shortages are about to kick off

It would be good to at least have a “TP panic of 2022”!

i think shortages are unlikely and any shortages would not be due to an actual fundamental lack of product, but would only be at the retail level and prompted by isolation rules that take too many drivers and warehouse workers off the job.

therefore, the shortages would be easily solved by walking back the stupid isolation rules.

Agent 47

I agree but cynic in me says this is intentional. Create more panic etc plus drive up prices because you know, EZFKA and all that.

The lock down as a cover for inflation angle is an Interesting take that I would need to read more about.

Peachy

lock down as a cover for inflation angle is an Interesting take that I would need to read more about

yeh, I’m not sure about the lockdown-inflation thingy. Someone needs to elaborate on how that allegedly works and how it might be used by EZFKA overseers.

otherwise it’s a lot like skippy hand waving.

Vaccinazi

by the looks of the UnFolding events, two of my previous predictions wrt “the Djoker cockup” may end up UnCorrect.
It is my Steve Keen moment. The current situation seems like this:

  1. Feds send an email to TA in Nov telling them Novak+Novax=NoPlay. Because Science.
  2. In later convo Greg Hunt tells TA/Tiley to look up conditions from “the UnSmart Traveller” govt web page which is updated less frequently than Scotty’s UnDerwear
  3. TA applies for *all* players work permits as per govt prescribed procedure and “UnSmart Traveller” directive (which is still not updated as per #1 and says UnWaxed=UnLikelybutPossible to come
  4. In a blind process, Djoker gets an exemption in spite the UnBelief of masses that someone can UnDergo ArseSment by 2 independent panels and achieve exemption
  5. things go awry when Scotty learns from Instagram that UnDjoker is UnCancelled, is UnNotPlaying and is en-route to Tulla due to major local fluckup
  6. Frenchies decide to UnDrop their rifles and send a barrage towards Scotty saying Novax-Novak=Welcome because we are UnLike UnDemocracy Down UnDer

It pretty much seems as the local cock-up of proportions greater than DLS’s ego (and that Mt Everest is hardest to climb) and sheer UnCompetence followed by a knee-jerk reactions then double-down when they UnWelcomed the female player – making Djoker’s case UnFold the Straisend Effect.
I admit, I thought they (govt) could not be as much as UnClever as the allowed-anything commentariat on EmBee and UnSmart to UnSee that the reaction and results would UnLikely be the one they thought it would be.

I now tend to lean more towards the Djoker playing Aus UnOpen and I will invest promptly in international popcorn business as the greatest UnHidden blunder of Aus unfolds.
Djoker gets to brag all life that he was UnDoubtedly politically treated UnFair and UnAllowed fair play at Aus UnOpen in an attempt to UnSeat him from the title *but* primarily to make an example for UnWaxed to run for their UnLives.

Aus UnOpen 2022 will be losing its last traces of UnTaint-ness, whatever little remained after Aus UnLocked 2021.
UnLikely and UnExpected benefactor of UnDeads done by UnGovt of UnAustralian Affairs are the UnFortunate UnDerdogs of UnLegal Immigration being held UnFree for almost a decade in UnHuman Conditions.

Wayne LUND

Joko is a Champion for basic human rights…for all humanity

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