“The prick tried to rip off a struggling small business owner. We’re all in this together though right?,” Mark, owner of the Safe Labor Seat Café in Dandenong, said to reporters.
“I got what I wanted in the end. A few self-interested rants on Sky News during lockdown was all it took to get my own way, so fuck everyone else I’m alright Jack,” Penman said.
“Whether it’s Jerome Weimar making claims about COVID going through windows or some crusty old, overweight Police Commissioner giving threats, your IQ will lower significantly listening to that vacuous bullshit,” Dr Greg Greggson said.
In a highly anticipated move, Prime Minister Scott Morrison called an urgent press conference to announce that property investors would be moved to a new priority category as part of the national COVID vaccination rollout plan. Additional cash incentives would also apply under a newly announced Property/Realestate Investor Keeper scheme. “The details are yet to … Read more
“I’ve only got one trick and that’s to keep the borders closed. After that, fuck knows. I’ll call Kerry Stokes and get the West Australian to write some glowing, sycophantic bullshit to get more support,” McGowan said.
Research conducted by the Institute for No-one Intelligent Actually Believes This Shit, has shown overwhelmingly that journalists for mainstream networks have become nothing more than corporate stenographers and need a good beating.
However, critics have said that the claim is ‘the usual unscientific bullshit’ and just being used to stimulate economic activity to inflate Victoria’s GDP.
“We all know these camps are for political dissenters under the pretense of quarantine, they just come out and say it yet. And if we take that on face value and performance politically speaking, then it’s clear the Queensland Premier should be quarantined forever.”
“This is what you really sign up for. The rush of fining people who have already lost everything, taking what little income they have left and forcing them to poverty or suicide over some really unscientific bullshit. It really makes you proud of what you’re doing,” McSweeney said.
Brian Smallton, 28, was surfing with a mate off the coast when the great white attacked him, killing him almost instantly.
“I’m due for another pay rise this week, so that will really send the message to those doing the wrong thing that the fines will be increased proportionally to cover it.”
“If it’s high debt, high immigration and housing – we have you covered. There’s no real need to continue the pretense that there is a difference anymore,” Morrison said.