Australian scientists uncover new ‘No-one gives a fuck’ variant
The strain was uncovered right after the new Omicron variant was released last week, sending thousands of EZFKA residents back under their bed and reaching for the Depends.
New Australian study shows new COVID variants arise whenever it’s politically convenient
The study, conducted by the Cash For Comment institute, has found that the latest Omnicron variant has appeared just as protest numbers nationwide reach record numbers and Victoria is set to vote on the permanent pandemic legislation.
New A-League rule states team that has least amount of heart attacks during a game to be awarded the win
Under the new rule, teams would be allowed to forfeit if too many players collapse from heart attacks during the game, however the opposing side would be awarded the win and the three points. Forfeit would also mean automatic elimination from the FFA Cup.
Weekend Links, 27-28 November 2021
Hello Everyone and welcome to the Weekend Links for 27-28 of November, 2021! As we get to the end of the year, we can enjoy the coming summer and it looks like its going to a be a decent next year too. This weekend is a bit bittersweet. It will be last Weekend Links until … Read more
Morrison vows to stand up to China by importing as many Chinese students as he can
The move, which has horrified everyone at ASIO, will be ‘a boon for Australia’s strategic defence and real estate sector’ according to Morrison.
Dom Perrottet says restrictions on unvaccinated residents will remain until the control group is eliminated
The Premier has made it clear that another move of goalposts is scheduled for December 15th, much to the dismay of copium addicts still believing anything the LNP says.
Jacqui Lambie to quit politics at next election for board position at Pfizer
Lambie was reportedly offered 7 figures in exchange for her soul, with Satan and Pfizer CEO Albert Boula agreeing to terms with the independent earlier this year.
NSW resident unsure of which property developer to vote for in upcoming council elections
David Erikson from the North Shore, said it was a hard decision voting for which proxy of billionaire property moguls will destroy his suburb with high rise apartments and mass immigration.
Study shows COVID Marshalls and Authorised Officers should go get a fucking real job
The study, conducted by the Pay Us Protection Money Institute, found that black shirted government officials enforcing COVID mandates were essentially useless and should ‘go fuck themselves.’
Sydney man excited for mass immigration to re-commence so he can be run over on the footpath by Uber Eats riders
Mark Morrison, of Newtown, said he was delighted to see the vibrancy of excessively dangerous driving from third worlders back in the CBD and suburbs.
Sportsbet now has Michael Gunner as favourite to reveal himself as the Anti-Christ
Gunner is currently paying $1.05 after slightly nudging out Jacqui Lambie, Daniel Andrews and Scott Morrison for the top spot. Gunner’s recent unhinged performances on television this past week have him as the favourite to bring the book of revelation to reality.
New video shows Australians how to have conversations with family at Christmas who still watch Sunrise
The video, released on Youtube last night by the Corporate Media Are Fucking Cringe Assciation, is a detailed instructional to de-program your family members and stop them from listening to anything David Koch or Natalie Barr says.