“Australian vaccine statistics are completely legitimate” says country running million-dollar lottery begging people to get vaccinated

EZFKA Health Minister Greg Hunt has announced a million-dollar lottery with a “no jab, no ticket” entry, begging Australians to get vaccinated. Hunt has denied accusations that the vaccination statistics are massively inflated and that a million-dollar lottery to get vaccinated was not proof the the whole thing was a sham. “We’ve been very successful … Read more

Qantas announces passengers must have COVID anal swabs every 15 minutes on international flights

Qantas CEO Alan Joyce has announced that any passengers on it’s international services will have to submit to COVID anal swabs performed by flight attendants, every 15 minutes while onboard the flight. The move, instantly approved by Joyce, comes as the airline looks to commit economic suicide and become the next best shorting opportunity for … Read more

Sally Capp plans to revitalise Melbourne CBD’s economy by preventing the unvaccinated from spending any money in it

Melbourne Mayor Sally Capp has announced that unvaccinated individuals will be banned from entering any City of Melbourne facility and from participating in the Melbourne CBD’s economy. After footage of empty shopfronts in the Melbourne CBD circulated online, Capp defended criticism that this was retarded and essentially akin to racial segregation. “I may have spent … Read more

Fiona Patten enters Witness Protection Program after signing Victorian SOE extension

Reason Party MLC Fiona Patten has entered Victoria Police protection this evening, after deleting all of her social media accounts and disappearing from the internet, claiming ‘trolls.’ However, Patten is believed to have already signed the extension to the state of emergency powers, and has sought Police protection from the impending wave of pitchforks and … Read more

China threatens nuclear attack- EZFKA citizens start calling Chinese embassy to suggest targets

International relations continue to take dramatic turns following EZFKA’s decision to buy nuclear submarines from the Yanks. In the days that followed the submarine announcement, China retaliated by threatening to nuke EZFKA during any regional war. However, the responses received back was not what the Chinese had expected. On the morning following China’s threat, EZFKA … Read more

Poll shows Australian mainstream media journalists should go to the gallows first at Nuremburg 2.0

An EZFKA poll has found that Australian mainstream media journalists should be hung first, at the upcoming Nuremburg 2.0 trials. The poll, from the Presstitutes Get The Rope Institute, showed 110% of Australians think mainstream journalists from across the spectrum should face capitalist punishment for their conduct since March 2020. “Their data shows their conduct … Read more

Victoria Police request No-Fly Zone so they can deploy Predator drones ‘for protestors’ safety’

Victoria Police have requested a No-Fly Zone so they can deploy newly acquired Predator drones from the CCP, over the Melbourne CBD. CASA have since denied the application, but have opened the door to potentially more opportunities for drone strikes later. “We will be working with Victoria Police to find an opportune time to deploy … Read more

VicPol vow to shoot/injure more protestors to keep the hospitals from being overwhelmed

Victoria Police Commissioner Shane Patton has stated he will order his police to shoot and injure more unemployed tradies, in order to keep Victoria’s hospital system from being overwhelmed. The order comes as heroic Victoria Police officers shot more unarmed protestors at the ANZAC Shrine of Remembrance today, as a testament to those who died … Read more