International student free to go the fuck home and stop fucking the housing market up for Australians
Immigration Minister Andrew Giles said he was considering personally exercising Ministerial Intervention powers to grant Wu citizenship.
Satire
Vaccine-injured Australian man thanks sporting organisations who told him to get vaccinated for now telling him to vote Yes on Voice to Parliament
Mentone man Mark, who has been hospitalised with severe myocarditis requiring a heart transplant following his third COVID jab, said he was sure that if the AFL supported the Voice to Parliament then it would be in his best interest
“Don’t blame migrants for Australia’s housing crisis” says Indian landlord exclusively leasing properties to other Indians
The rebuke comes as rental ads all over Gumtree and Locanto reveal hundreds of properties in Melbourne and Sydney available for lease, but only to “other Indians.”
Albanese announces more drag queen story times to be rolled out nationally until everyone stops talking about immigration
The PM expressed his concern that too many people are pissed
off about the country being invaded through the front door, and that
distractions galore are needed to diffuse an escalating situation.
Clare O’Neil announces Australia will begin deporting citizens to make way for 700,000 migrants
Police and military will be deployed to evict white Australians and seize their houses in order to hand them over to hundreds of thousands of migrants.
“Give back stolen indigenous land” says Pakistani who has helped millions of migrants steal indigenous land
Rizvi said memories of choosing to voluntarily migrate from Pakistan, parachute into a safe public service job for 20 years and then work to dismantle the Australian working class motivated him to respond.
Paul Keating slams AUKUS submarines as worst deal since he sold out Australia’s entire industrial base to China in the 80’s
Keating was scathing at the price tag and the mere suggestion that Australia spend any of it’s GDP on defence equipment at the expense of the property market.
Australia to fight ageing population by letting elderly third worlders chain migrate to Australia
“No-one had the ALP on their 2023 bingo cards to destroy what’s left of our public institutions with chains of endless foreign welfare parasitism,’ Giles said.
Lifeline putting on extra staff in case Novak Djokovic wins Australian Open
The organisation expects to field a record number of calls from triple vaccinated Victorians considering self-harm, should Djokovic win the title after being banned for not taking the jab.
Chris Minns makes election promise to help NSW renters by lobbying for another 200,000 migrants a year to live in Sydney
Minns has also hired Meriton’s Harry Trigaboff as his campaign manager with the aim of making housing affordability the #1 issue.
‘Foreigners only’ Australia bans it’s own citizens from buying property
The ban comes into effect immediately, with Chinese buyers set to return to Australia next week.
Charges dropped against Aboriginal teens suspected of fatal home invasion after Police confirm they were performing a ‘Welcome to Country’
The two teenage boys, already out on bail for a previous offence that day, were pardoned by Queensland Police and Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk after it was confirmed that they were performing a Welcome to Country inside the house.