Pfizer named official sponsor of all Australian state funerals until 2030
Premier Daniel Andrews has also announced that the Great Southern Stand at the MCG will be renamed the ‘Pfizer SK Warne Stand’.
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Zali Steggall tells working-class man at service station to ‘just buy an electric car’ to combat fuel inflation
Meanwhile, Josh Frydenberg has unveiled new ‘petrol mortgages’ to help the ‘average EZFKA unit realise the Australian dream of a full tank of petrol.’
Mike Cannon-Brookes calls Klaus Schwab for further advice on how to undermine Australia’s energy security
The 2009 World Economic Forum Young Leader held a two hour teleconference with Schwab, discussing ways to send Australia back to the stone age and expedite the Great Reset.
Australian man who only took vaccine to feed his family excited about inflation
Chris Simmons, of Penrith, who suffered myocarditis from the Pfizer vaccine after being forced to take it for work, said he was excited about sky high food prices and the prospect of going from one manufactured crisis to the next.
Lismore man who lost everything in floods thanks Albo for sending thoughts and prayers from Mardi Gras
Albanese said he will be scheduling more photo ops in the coming weeks and vowed ‘if Scomo doesn’t hold a shovel then I sure as hell won’t be getting my boots muddy.’
Tim Flannery quietly announces his retirement after record flooding on East Coast
The man that pronounced it would never rain again has confirmed that he will not be participating in public debate, and that his decades long grift may have finally run it’s course.
Australian property developers to assist with flood relief by building thousands of more homes in known flood plains
The move comes as more homes are wiped out in NSW and Queensland due to record flooding in areas that are historicaly reknown for flooding.
Lismore man drowns in flood water after refusing rescue from unvaccinated SES volunteer
The SES has declined to comment on the matter, but is believed to be introducing a policy to ban anyone who is not triple vaccinated from saving lives.
Australia to stand-up to China by confiscating remaining civilian firearms and shipping them to the Ukraine
Defence Minister Peter Dutton and Home Affairs Minister Karen Andrews made the announcement of total firearm confiscations in a joint press conference, to show they were serious about protecting Australia.
AFL umpires to wear defibrillators for 2022 season to fight climate change
EZFKAFL CEO Gillon MacLachlan has rejected claims that the move was purely to head off embarrassing on-field collapses unrelated to mandates and purely about reducing carbon emissions.
As borders re-open, migrants and international students outraged there aren’t as many jobs to take from Australians
Migrants from India and Nepal have blasted the EZFKA government as being selfish to it’s own citizens, and have demanded more opportunities for visa holders to take Australian jobs and drive wages down further.
Albanese promises to freeze bank accounts of those who don’t vote for the ALP at the next election
Albanese has also stated that the freezing of accounts will also apply to savers, union members and those who don’t own at least one investment property.