EZFKA

Premier Mark McGowan was quick to dismiss criticism that was just purely bullshit theatre and said he was committed to ‘keeping WA safe.”

“I’d like to make the point again that we’re all in this together and we recognise that this is First Nations land. Except if you’re an unvaccinated Wurundjeri or Yorta Yorta, at which point you aren’t welcome.”

The Economic Zone Formerly Known as New Zealand was rocked by a mass stabbing incident by an alleged Sri Lankan migrant, which left six people in critical condition in hospital. The new directive will require all NZ Police officers to resolve violent crime and terror attacks with a hug, especially if the offender is wearing … Read more

The first EZFKAFL Grand Final in Perth will be played over a six-week period, after Premier Mark McGowan ruled players will be required to quarantine for 14 days between quarters. McGowan is also demanding that players wear masks on the field at all times and that he reserved the right to cancel the game at … Read more

Chief Health Officers in respective EZFKA states have been announced as headline acts for the 2022 Melbourne International Comedy Festival. The 2022 event, sponsored by Pfizer, will feature the best of Australia’s material from daily press conferences performed live. “It’s been non-stop comedy gold every day at 11am, so we thought why don’t we ask … Read more

“When we get to that stage, I’ll be announcing what goalposts we’ll be shifting and what freedoms will be made dependent on what booster shots are available at the time and then changing them a week later,” Andrews said.

“Absolutely selfish behaviour from these small business owners that have lost everything trying to take their own lives when there’s a pandemic on,” Karvelas said.

“The prick tried to rip off a struggling small business owner. We’re all in this together though right?,” Mark, owner of the Safe Labor Seat Café in Dandenong, said to reporters.

“I got what I wanted in the end. A few self-interested rants on Sky News during lockdown was all it took to get my own way, so fuck everyone else I’m alright Jack,” Penman said.

“Whether it’s Jerome Weimar making claims about COVID going through windows or some crusty old, overweight Police Commissioner giving threats, your IQ will lower significantly listening to that vacuous bullshit,” Dr Greg Greggson said.