Timbo
“The wards are overwhelmed with snitches suffering serious facial injuries and we’re suffering a serious shortage of gauze and stitches. It’s a crisis,” NSW Health Minister Brad Hazzard said.
“This is absolutely disgraceful. Our officers are highly trained in shooting dogs for no reason and we weren’t consulted or given the opportunity to do so,” Fuller said.
“We know 15 status credits fuck all to offer in exchange for permanent long term damage or death, but we’re all about off loading risk to someone else here in EZFKA.”
NSW MP Victor Dominello, who suffered Bells Palsy after receiving his COVID jab, will be the public face of a campaign encouraging teens to upload their adverse reactions to Tik Tok for a chance to win great prizes. Following on from several videos being posted last week of Year 11 and Year 12 students having … Read more
“You selfish fucking bastard! How do you wear your mask incorrectly! You’re killing grandma and putting the rest of us at risk. I hope you don’t need a ventilator in ICU while people are dying!” Matthews screamed.
“This is yet another great collaboration between Victoria Police, the People’s Armed Police and the UN Strong Cities Network. We will continue to suppress dissent of those already suppressed financially and psychologically until full demoralisation is achieved and the camps are complete,” Patton said.
Former EZFKA Prime Minister John Howard has commended the Taliban on their recent gun control efforts, after the US has withdrawn from the country. The Taliban wasted no time seizing firearms from civilians after taking Kabul last week, with the penalty for not surrendering their guns being death. “It’s a great achievement that the Taliban … Read more
Qantas CEO Alan Joyce has announced a new program to kickstart tourism in EZFKA, with a new line of heavily discounted ‘insurance waiver’ flights to anyone who wants to roll the dice with a vaccinated pilot. Flights will be discounted up to 80% in some cases, particularly long haul flights when international borders re-open. Astra … Read more
An Australian citizen that has been stuck offshore since March 2020, has applauded the decision to bring Afghan refugees to Australia ahead of Australian citizens. John Christenson, who has been stuck in Indonesia since his engineering contract was ended due to COVID19, is one of the 36,000 Australians stuck overseas who can’t get a flight … Read more
“I mean, usually an autopsy can take anywhere up to a couple of weeks to get done and a report even longer than that. It’d mark the first time in history that the NSW government had worked this efficiently, so it’s a momentous occasion.”
A new study in EZFKA has found that life imprisonment for all of Australia’s state premiers, would end lockdowns instantly and return Australia to proper normalcy. The study, commissioned by the Institute of To The Barricades Mon Frere, found that putting all six state premiers and two territory chief minister in prison for no less … Read more
“I’m out of here mate. It’s a shithole and I didn’t think it would be worse than Geelong. Afghanistan will at least let us out past 9pm and won’t ram woke identity politics down my throat,” he said.