SA, WA battle it out for 2021 CCP vassal state of the year award
The two EZFKA states beat out some notable challengers from Africa to make it to the top 2, after months of totalitarian bullshit imposed on their respective populaces.
Timbo
Australia: from rugged individualism to a nation of compliant cowards
Complying your way out of tyranny has never worked, so it’s always a great question to ask those same compliant people why the North Koreans aren’t the freest nation on earth?
Matthew Guy promises to oppose Andrews’ draconian COVID policies by implementing them at a slightly slower pace
“That’s why we’ll be advocating the same policies be rolled out over a longer time period, with a few different kinds of minor crumbs thrown here and there.”
“Unvaccinated will not be able to use hospitals” says Andrews while announcing second state-funded injecting room
“With another injection room, you can inject your recreational drugs and assault nurses in a safe environment, without fear of stigma or ostracization.”
Vaccine hesitant man finally persuaded after condescending lecture from Tim Minchin
“It’s clearly been shown that patronising messages from people who deem themselves above everyone else are received well. That’s what pushed me over the edge and now I’m double jabbed,” Dave said.
McGowan replaces cancelled AFL Grand Final parade with People’s Liberation Army parade
“This is particularly crucial as the iron ore price continues to sink and perhaps the only way that I can keep the border closed domestically.”
Daniel Andrews suspends social media accounts after power outage at Chinese military base
“I’d like to thank the bots for their outstanding work in boosting my profile, particular the other day when I was waving my two-tier society father’s day celebrations in their face. The professional photographer really enjoyed all the excess likes.”
Struggling small businesses applaud Daniel Andrews for banning 30% of their customer base
“I applaud a man that’s never run a business and worked exclusively in government his entire career to make a tough call like this,” John Stapleton of Small Business Victoria said.
HIV positive restaurant owner in Melbourne says “unvaccinated are unwelcome”
“We promote an inclusive and safe environment here at Dan Dan’s, but if you haven’t had both jabs then you aren’t welcome,” Morrison said.
Brisbane bar to ban unvaccinated so patrons can destroy their health with alcohol
“Lockdown has provided us an opportunity to renovate. It’s all about public health, that’s why we’re also installing a special drunken violence space up the back and easy access ramp for drink drivers in our car park.”
Frydenberg calls Treasury crisis meeting after unvaccinated Australians celebrate never having to pay tax again
A spokesman for the ATO says they were currently working on ways to punish the unvaccinated and have proposed an unvaccinated tax. It is understood that several ASX200 companies have also applied for unvaccinated status.
AFL players that just spent 100 minutes tackling each other and on the bottom of packs relieved goal posts disinfected
Premier Mark McGowan was quick to dismiss criticism that was just purely bullshit theatre and said he was committed to ‘keeping WA safe.”