FOI release shows ‘best health advice’ really just Victorian ALP internal polling
“All we did was continually poll a bunch of frightened middle-class public servants and formulate policy off of that. What other possibility was there?”
Timbo
Poll finds vaccinated Australians now more insufferable than vegans, crossfitters and cyclists
“Never have we seen so many people needing peer validation for undergoing a medical procedure. Want to know if they’ve been vaccinated? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you,” Dr Nick Berenson said.
Andrews resigns as Premier after IBAC issues subpoena for staircase to testify at hearing
The staircase also known as John, which Andrews claims he slipped on and caused his six-month absence from politics, was issued the subpoena last night and has agreed to go on record before IBAC.
Victorian ALP’s corruption slammed for ‘not being diverse enough’
“We only saw blatant corruption activities from Indians, Cambodians and Vietnamese. This is clearly discriminatory to all other migrant groups,” Diversity Council CEO Ben Schafer said.
Tim Pallas announces Black Rock and Vanguard as sponsors of Victorian Home Equity Sharing program
“We’ve just spent the last 18 months bankrupting everyone with complete bullshit to the point of being unable to pay your mortgage. So, here we come with the prepared solution and this is how we’ll get your house, I mean, help realise the Aussie dream.”
Victorian Liberal Party nominated for “Controlled Opposition of the Year” Award
“It’s a huge honour for us but honestly it hasn’t been hard. We’re the most useless fucking party in all of Australia at the state level,” Guy said.
Poll finds no-one actually gives a fuck what Jane Caro thinks of anything
“The data also showed similar results for the opinions of Julia Baird, Dee Madigan and Patricia Karvelas, so the trend is clear – STFU, no-one cares.”
Scott Morrison unveils new “Convict Card” Social Credit System
“This card is nothing like the Australia Card of the 90’s, it’s much worse,” Morrison said.
China names new coal-fired power station after Kevin Rudd
“He’s been the best advertisement for economic suicide of a first world nation in a generation,” President Xi Jinping said.
“We need to reach net-zero to avoid climate disaster” says man from Queensland beach front mansion
“Rising sea levels are the challenge of our time, just not anywhere around where I live obviously.”
Dominion voting software named official sponsor of 2022 Australian Federal Election
The move will see Dominion voting software be used across the nation, opening the door for ‘transparency and consolidation of the uniparty vote’ in the face of growing discontent among the electorate.
Australian men line-up to cut their balls off after government mandates castration
“Given the actions of most Australian men the last 18 months and their tolerance of tyranny, they really have no use for them anyway,” EZFKA Prime Minister Scott Morrison said.