Satire

Brad Jones, from the Sydney YIMBY movement, was exhausted after another hard day of astroturfing support for demolishing entire suburbs while not mentioning demand driven almost entirely by immigration.

Immigration Minister Andrew Giles has confirmed that there will be no charges for the man and his citizenship application will be expedited in line with current trends towards rapists, paedophiles and murderers.

Tulip is also set to receive a commendation from Meriton’s Harry Triguboff for helping him secure deals to throw up defect-riddled sky kennels across the inner west.

Tom said he intended to spend Australia Day itself in Brisbane enjoying the Aboriginal youth crime explosion and watching his home insurance premiums go up yet again.

Maskell also stated he believed it to be a boon for aged care workers, with plans to offer a Bachelor of Bashing Boomers in Aged Care Facilities also in the works.

The move has also been lauded by the Property Council of Australia to help keep a floor under house prices.

With migrant communities deeply impacted by rising mortagages and inflation, street shitting has made itself known in Sydney’s west and has also spread it’s cheeks to Melbourne’s Indian population.

Larry Fink refused to comment on the sale but suggested negative coverage about motivations on the deal were purely antisemitic conspiracy theories.

Home Affairs Minister Clare O’Neil has welcomed the decision and is currently working toward a new category of visa for paedophiles and murderers.

Home Affairs Minister Clare O’Neil has vowed to look into the violence, and promised to protect property prices in the area by any means necessary.