Sydney house prices up 150% after Chinese nuclear strike hits CBD

Property prices in Sydney have exploded to all-time highs after China launched a nuclear first strike on the east coast EZFKA city. After both countries traded firey rhetoric all week, China finally called Australia’s bluff and launched a first strike against Australia’s most populous city. Minutes after the ICBM impacted downtown Sydney, Domain recorded a … Read more

Coles, Woolworths report Mehreen Faruqi’s new book sold out as Melbourne’s toilet paper shortage worsens

Greens Senator Mehreen Faruqi has timed the release of her new book “Too Migrant, Too Muslim, Too Loud” to perfection it seems as supermarkets across Melbourne have reported it sold out, as toilet paper shortages return to the EZFKA city. Coles and Woolworths have reported that sales of the book have been through the roof … Read more

Middle-class crushing lockdowns will continue until Victorians submit to vaccine, says Merlino

Acting Victorian Premier James Merlino has stated that arbitrary lockdowns targeting the middle class will continue, until enough Victorians submit to experimental COVID vaccines. In the face of Victoria’s imploding economy, Merlino has stated that Victoria’s small businesses will be wearing the brunt of the losses if there is no uptake in vaccines. “As the … Read more

Morrison says Australians will need a vaccine jab for all 204 countries and their respective variants

EZFKA Prime Minister Scott Morrison has stated that Australians will require regular vaccine updates for all 204 countries and variants of COVID, as they arise. With new COVID threats emerging every week, the Prime Minister has found innovative new ways to get on top of it in spite of hotel quarantine and get Aussies lining … Read more

Study finds wearing high visibility clothing on Melbourne construction sites provides complete immunity from COVID

A new study has found that construction workers in the EZFKA city of Melbourne are completely immune to COVID during lockdowns. The study, conducted by the Lowy Institute and Property Council of Australia, found that tradies working on construction sites wearing high visibility clothing were 100% immune to all strains of COVID. Acting Premier James … Read more

Victorian government employee wins “Snitch of the Year” award after shutting down 100 businesses for QR code violations

A Victorian government employee has won the coveted Victorian “Snitch of the Year” award for 2020, for his outstanding work shutting down businesses failing to comply with QR code check-ins. David Goldberg, an employee with the Victorian DHHS, was celebrated for shutting down over 105 businesses during 2020 lockdowns that failed to enforce the controversial … Read more

Michael Slater blasts Scomo’s India flight ban from five-star resort in the Maldives

Former Australian cricketer Michael Slater has blasted Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s flight ban from India, while on a conference call from a five-star resort in the Maldives. Slater, who had been in India for the now cancelled IPL along with other Australian cricketers, was unable to get a flight home to Australia and was forced … Read more