Satire

Suspicions were raised when Albanese and Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews were photographed having a barbeque with steaks that appeared completely uncooked.

Chris Webb, a 14-year veteran of Fairfax, was terminated after being unable to write an article blaming ‘neo-nazi white supremacists’ for rising property prices during the COVID pandemic.

Morrison said the new legislation will go that one step further and that ‘private companies can do anything we want them to for our mutual benefit.’

Following nearly 20% drops across the board for Bitcoin, Ethereum and other coins Lowe said crypto was nothing more than a scam. The comments also come as a Melbourne-based crypto exchange was forced into liquidation.

The move comes as Sky cements it’s status as moving further and further left, only now being three months behind the ABC. With Jones out of the way, the stage is set for a rebrand and an easy path to government subsidies to prop up the network.

Greens leader Samantha ‘The Rat’ Ratnam said the move was long overdue and that they could finally drop the bullshit pretense of caring about anyone else but themselves.

For most students, it’s a great chance to work way more than their permitted 40 hours a fortnight and cause complete chaos on the roads and footpaths delivering food to other international students and lazy cunt Aussies.

International students are set to enter EZFKA in the next few weeks, and with it comes a new wave of non-qualified Indians and dangerous driving on fraudulent licences.

Albanese has appointed former MP Craig Thompson to oversee the program, which will allow anyone who votes ALP allowed access to the country and it’s public services from the moment they touch down. Albanese affirmed it’s a ‘continuation of the previous program on steroids.’

Meanwhile, EZFKAFL boss Gillon McLachlan is considering a league-wide saline jab mandate to ‘avoid any on-field incidents that may cause brand damage.’

Annastacia Palaszczuk, Yvette D’arth, Jeanette Young and Kerry Chant have all joined forces to support jabbing kids with COVID vaccines, as soon as humanly possible.