Satire

The arrival of the Omicron variant has significantly impacted nursing staff levels, with nurses struggling to rehearse routines and work at underwhelmed hospitals.

Albanese stated that this would be an integral part of the Belt and Road deal. The Port of Darwin, the Port of Newcastle and Chatswood have all been listed as potential sites for an EZFKA rail hub.

The data analysis, conducted by the Who Gives A Shit Institute, found that only a handful of people tuned in for round one and that running the season in January when there’s fuck all else on to compete with was the only reason people tuned in at all.

The study, conducted by the Gibmedats Institute, found that the majority of people lining up were really lining up to put their hands in their fellow tax payers’ pockets and not their health.

Michelle Rosenbaum, from Fitzroy, showed her ‘solidarity with Home Affairs’ and lauded the decision by Karen Andrews from her job as a volunteer at the Asylum Seeker Resource Centre.

The table salt is said to contain the tears of every ALP voter in the state, harvested fresh from testing centres around the state.

Peter Smith, who was recently let go from his other job due to jab mandates, was the first hire in over 5 years that wasn’t an Indian student breaching his visa conditions somehow.

Self-described ‘self-loathing progressive’ Jane Smith, 34, from Northcote says she was excited for thousands of Indians and Nepalese to return and deliver her food and that any objections to the social cost of mass immigration was ‘pure racism.’

The apology was issued after Betoota realised it went all of 2021 without an article mocking the ALP, and that the upcoming 2022 election would make it obvious to those still on the fence that they’re just an ALP mouthpiece.

Friendlyjordies, Aussie Cossack and Avi Yemeni will wait to see who will take home the coveted award, which saw a larger than usual field this year.

The long-time friend of ‘Lolita Express’ regular Bill Clinton has expressed relief as the judge sealed the records, for at least as long a period as the Wood Commission report.

Pfizer has announced they are currently in talks with Prime Minister Scott Morrison for supplying more Raid Antigen Tests as per the contract agreement.