AFL Grand Final to feature moveable goal posts in line with McGowan government policies
The move will see the goal and behind posts both fitted with wheels and move at random points during the game, for no reason at all.
Satire
Clocks across the nation stop for 24 hours in honour of Waleed Aly finally making one good point
alities of lockdowns and the nations COVID response on ABC Insiders this weekend, forcing clocks across the nation to immediately stop for 24 hours.
Daniel Andrews’ roadmap revealed to be picture of roundabout
“Roadmap, packages, etc it’s all superfluous bullshit which just means we keep moving the goal posts every five minutes,” Andrews said.
Derryn Hinch announces he’s suffering from Relevance Deprivation Syndrome
The disease, which has notably affected former EZFKA Prime Minister’s Kevin Rudd and Malcolm Turnbull, has crippled the former paid controversialist into a life of agitation on social media.
Sally McManus unveils new ACTU mandatory vaccine bus for throwing Australian workers under
The bus, which has mandatory vaccinations on board, will also feature a re-enforced bull bar and six wheels which will ‘process up to hundreds of Australian workers a day.’
Macrobusiness to give subscribers free adult nappies to relieve fears of COVID
“It’s the only thing of value we can offer now, considering we’ve taken the exact same fear porn position as the MSM for the last 18 months. However, now lockdowns are starting to impact us directly we might change our opinion.”
Victoria Police confirm they’ll be using live ammunition on anti-lockdown protestors entering CBD this weekend
mocracy in Australia, but if you are attending protests this weekend, you will be shot and you will be killed,” Patton said.
2021 ABS Census data shows “Scientism” as fastest growing Australian religion
“Scientism believers can be easily identified by their blue face coverings, chastising of non-believers, inquisition of public health order commandment breakers and ritual of injection of the body of Pfizer.”
Keneally confirms she’ll be permanently working from home on exclusive island residence while representing Fowler
Keneally stated that her exclusive Scotland Island estate was “too far away to commute from” and that living among the migrants that the ALP have dumped en masse into Western Sydney, had “nothing to do with it.”
Gladys Berejiklian unveils new 3-week permanent vaccine passports
w the same rules and validity periods as lockdowns. We’ll announce them for three weeks, for three weeks at a time, forever,” Berejiklian said.
AHPRA appoints Dr Jayant Patel as new spokesperson for informed consent
The move comes as AHPRA faces waves of criticism for it’s stance on threatening doctors and medical professionals with termination, if they oppose the COVID19 vaccines.
Mick Fuller slams Bankstown officers for not stopping violent offender by accusing him of misogyny
“I’ll also be ordering a full review and directing NSW Police to further bully citizens in that area for not wearing masks, in order to calm the situation.”
New “fear porn withdrawal” variant discovered in NSW after government cancels daily press conference
Symptoms of the new variant include obsession with case numbers, shaming others for not wearing masks and compulsive calling of Crimestoppers to snitch on those not complying with Public Health Orders.
NSW Government warns ‘health system may be overloaded’ blah blah no-ones fucking cares anymore
“We’ve gone back to the ‘hospitals will be overloaded’ fear porn because no-one actually gives a shit. That was evident from all the people at the beach all weekend,” Berejiklian said.
Pfizer seizes HMAS Stirling Naval Base after Morrison fails to meet vaccination targets
Pfizer stated that the deal, signed under the terms of the Trans Pacific Partnership, allowed the pharmaceutical corporation to claim the military bases similar to deals signed around the world, including with many South American nations.
SA, WA battle it out for 2021 CCP vassal state of the year award
The two EZFKA states beat out some notable challengers from Africa to make it to the top 2, after months of totalitarian bullshit imposed on their respective populaces.
