This year’s awards will be renamed the ‘How many non-whites can we give trophies to ‘Awards in honour of the deracinating of Australia, with the award to be presented by a descendant of Kalergi himself.
This new wave of faecal findings comes just days after parks in Sydney’s Ryde council area were forced to close due to numerous Indian migrants treating them as open air toilets.
Tributes have flown for Victorian public servant David Adamson, 36, who collapsed at his home from a heart attack just a few hours after the match, just two days after taking his 8th booster. Adamson died after waiting three hours for Ambulance Victoria to arrive at his house in Fitzroy.
Property lobby group Sydney YIMBY has tipped values to rise over 20% as the ancient Indian practice of street shitting becomes normalised in the area, adding much needed diversity and vibrancy to the area according to a local spokesman.
Former Immigration Minister Amanda Vanstone has led the calls, stating that the recent wave of African violence across the state has confirmed that renaming Victoria would be ‘the right thing to do.’
Guardian journalist Tom McCaffrey said the past week of multicultural crimes has been especially tough to write off as ‘from war torn countries’ and that buying a plane ticket and paying Home Affairs some money for a visa gives you a clean slate to do whatever you want.
Brad Jones, from the Sydney YIMBY movement, was exhausted after another hard day of astroturfing support for demolishing entire suburbs while not mentioning demand driven almost entirely by immigration.
Immigration Minister Andrew Giles has confirmed that there will be no charges for the man and his citizenship application will be expedited in line with current trends towards rapists, paedophiles and murderers.
Tulip is also set to receive a commendation from Meriton’s Harry Triguboff for helping him secure deals to throw up defect-riddled sky kennels across the inner west.
Tom said he intended to spend Australia Day itself in Brisbane enjoying the Aboriginal youth crime explosion and watching his home insurance premiums go up yet again.
Maskell also stated he believed it to be a boon for aged care workers, with plans to offer a Bachelor of Bashing Boomers in Aged Care Facilities also in the works.
The move has also been lauded by the Property Council of Australia to help keep a floor under house prices.