The CSIRO have confirmed that the toxic brown sludge that has infested Port Phillip Bay in Melbourne is due to Indian migrants shtting in it.
This new wave of faecal findings comes just days after parks in Sydney’s Ryde council area were forced to close due to numerous Indian migrants treating them as open air toilets.
“We can confirm that the Port Phillip Bay area is inundated with turds of a subcontinental origin, mainly from the Western Suburbs area but also due to Indians shitting on Melbourne’s beaches,” Dr Clark Connors said.
“Some of these have recently arrived from Canada on student visas, we can tell by the odd mix of poutine and tumeric levels in the turds themselves.”
Victorian Premier Jacinta Allan said it was a ‘wonderful development in our vibrant and multicutural city’ and that the City of Melbourne was considering designating several beaches for Indians to shit in regularly.
“Not only will this make them feel at home, it’s also a great way to relieve pressue on our third world sewage infrastructure which isn’t coping with doubling the population.”