“We only saw blatant corruption activities from Indians, Cambodians and Vietnamese. This is clearly discriminatory to all other migrant groups,” Diversity Council CEO Ben Schafer said.
“Kerry really gave the game away when she muttered New World Order at the press conference a few weeks ago,” Premier Dominic Perrottet said.
“It’s a tell-all book from my journey on my knees in the dark rooms of Fyshick to being on my knees worshipping the dark lord in Spring Street,” Patten said.
Coming off the back of it’s cringey “Mask Up and Melbourne On” campaign, the convicted rapist will star in a series of ads urging Victorians to disrobe and insert something into their bodies against their will in order to feed their families.
“We’re proud to announce that no man may buy or sell, save he who have the mark of the vaccine passport,” Morrison said.
EZFKA Health Minister Greg Hunt has announced a million-dollar lottery with a “no jab, no ticket” entry, begging Australians to get vaccinated. Hunt has denied accusations that the vaccination statistics are massively inflated and that a million-dollar lottery to get vaccinated was not proof the the whole thing was a sham. “We’ve been very successful … Read more
“We’ve just spent the last 18 months bankrupting everyone with complete bullshit to the point of being unable to pay your mortgage. So, here we come with the prepared solution and this is how we’ll get your house, I mean, help realise the Aussie dream.”
“It’s a huge honour for us but honestly it hasn’t been hard. We’re the most useless fucking party in all of Australia at the state level,” Guy said.
Qantas CEO Alan Joyce has announced that any passengers on it’s international services will have to submit to COVID anal swabs performed by flight attendants, every 15 minutes while onboard the flight. The move, instantly approved by Joyce, comes as the airline looks to commit economic suicide and become the next best shorting opportunity for … Read more
Melbourne Mayor Sally Capp has announced that unvaccinated individuals will be banned from entering any City of Melbourne facility and from participating in the Melbourne CBD’s economy. After footage of empty shopfronts in the Melbourne CBD circulated online, Capp defended criticism that this was retarded and essentially akin to racial segregation. “I may have spent … Read more
Reason Party MLC Fiona Patten has entered Victoria Police protection this evening, after deleting all of her social media accounts and disappearing from the internet, claiming ‘trolls.’ However, Patten is believed to have already signed the extension to the state of emergency powers, and has sought Police protection from the impending wave of pitchforks and … Read more
“He’s been the best advertisement for economic suicide of a first world nation in a generation,” President Xi Jinping said.
