Albanese slams LNP record levels of debt, vows to triple it if elected
RBA Governor Phil Lowe says he remains committed to ‘lowering rates and opening the gates’ regardless of who is in Kirribilli House.
Minister Sinister
Andrews delays urgent pandemic bill to give him more time to bribe or blackmail another crossbencher
Federal Labor leader Anthony Albanese has also authorised the deployment of Aldi bags full of cash from the NSW Labor branch, to ensure the integrity of the vote from the crossbench.
Adam Bandt calls for ban on volcanoes to meet net zero targets as COP26 wraps up in Glasgow
Bandt, speaking from his private charter jet on with Sarah Hanson-Young, called for all volcanoes to be permanently imploded as well as a ban on lava.
McGowan says he’s determined to crash his approval rating faster than the iron ore price
As the price drops below $90USD a ton, McGowan says he’s been doing everything he can to come across as a right prick, particularly when it comes to keeping the border closed.
Melbourne protestors slammed for not bringing enough nooses
Protestors have vowed to bring a guillotine and are believed to be sourcing a wall for a firing squad, once trials across Australia are completed.
Andrews agrees to amend pandemic legislation and then pass the full bill later when no-one is paying attention
The controversial legislation, which saw record protests on the weekend, will be watered down initially to placate the public. The full raft of measures is estimated to pass around January when people aren’t paying attention.
Jessie ‘PRGuy’ McCrone committed for psychiatric assessment after claiming to see QAnon members everywhere
It is believed that a trending Twitter hashtag acted as a trigger which drove McCrone over the edge, after 48 hours claiming to see ‘far right QAnon extremists everywhere.’
Indonesian Human Trafficking Association endorses Anthony Albanese for Prime Minister
Keneally will be touring Denpasar next week, to show her support for opening the back door to Australia’s border.
Sydney Morning Herald hoping for smooth transition from COVID fear porn to climate change fear porn
Journalists from the Sydney Morning Herald in particular have already begun preparations to continue to scare the shit out of the public, with COP26 winding down in Glasgow.
‘Our government is full of wankers’ Palaszczuk defends Queensland Health masturbation post
The post, which many have claimed is an attempt to counter signal No Nut November, was made last week on Facebook to much derision.
Andrews denies calling Jussie Smollett prior to suspicious package being found at his office
An inquiry is now underway into the incident which is expected to go nowhere.
Morrison proposes new “Great Replacement” immigration program to restart Australian economy
After months of firing people for not submitting to an experimental medical procedure, Morrison said the time was ripe for replacing skilled EZFKA workers with lower wage, foreign counterparts.