Australia to cut immigration by encouraging as many Indians to swim in the ocean as possible
The program will be called ‘Drown out of town’ similar to the ‘Poo in the Loo’ campaigns across India encouraging Indians not to shit in the street.
Satire
Andrew Giles to grant asylum to Chinese citizens who washed up in WA after discovering they had come to buy investment properties
Giles announced that the group had declared that they had turned up on Australian shores to purchase residential property, and had several Aldi bags full of cash aboard at the time.
Mark Liebler says Israel has every right to defend itself with airstrikes against unarmed Australian aid workers
After an Australian aid worker was among several killed in an airstrike on an aid convoy by the IDF, Liebler said that it was 100% Hamas’ fault and to ‘remember the atrocities of the Holocaust.’
Harry Triguboff celebrates after Meriton wins contract to build luxury apartments along Gaza foreshore
Triguboff enjoyed a glass of bubbly with Jared Kushner and Larry Fink, toasting a new partnership and to the future of shitty apartments in the middle east.
Daniel Andrews heads to Israel to lobby for CFMEU contract to build the Third Temple
Andrews will head to Israel with Dave Sharma as part of a delegation to assist in the return of the Moschiach, citing recent award-winning CFMEU works on Chabad tunnels in Caufield South.
Australian small business owner enjoying another day of reading through thousands of job applications full of bullshit qualifications from Indians
John Turner, a small business IT provider, said he was looking forward to yet another day of trying to find an entry level candidate that actually knew what the fuck he was doing.
Australians living in tents due to immigration to be evicted to make way for Gazans living in tents
Tent cities across all major cities are set to be bulldozed to make way for record numbers of Palestinians being granted asylum while living in UNRWA tents.
Melbourne’s Indian Community celebrates International Women’s Day with traditional Hindu murder of woman in Point Cook
Meanwhile, Melbourne has again been voted the Most Non-Extraditable City for Indian migrants, an award which began with Puneet Puneet.
‘Nuclear for Australia is dumb’ says retard who thought a 6000km solar power cable to Singapore was a good idea
Forrest was joined in the calls by Simon Holmes A Court, claiming that the move to have power that most of the first world and manufacturing powerhouses have had for decades was ‘grossly unfair for their personal investments.’
Kos Samaras says recent murders of elderly Australians by Africans is a Murdoch media beat-up
After an 81-year-old grandfather was stabbed to death by an African migrant in Perth yesterday just two weeks after Vyleen White was murdered in Ipswich, Samaras slammed the Murdoch media for launching a fear campaign.
“We need a crackdown on foreign traitors” says traitor that let 737,000 foreigners into Australia last year
ASIO boss Mike Burgess has vowed to give more stern speeches about spies but then do fuck all about it and disappear until the next Senate hearing.
NSW Police to be replaced at Mardi Gras with float honouring gay domestic violence
A week after a NSW Police Constable killed two pillowbiters in a suspected lovers tiff, a float honouring the significant and per capita role domestic violence in the gay community will replace the constabulary.