Citizens broke out into panic and confusion, with many unable to breathe or put one foot in front of the other. Already overwhelmed hospitals were overwhelmed with injuries from those that fell over from forgetting how to walk.
John Howard said he was concerned with the study and will look at ways to increase further fear of firearms, including a ‘potential Port Arthur 2.0.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with taking a few precautions, much like John Howard wearing a vest in Sale in 1996,” Morrison said.
“I mean, it will only create a giant centralised information hub that can ban you from society at the push of a button for saying something we don’t like online, but remember it’s total optional.”
“Everyone in the room was shocked, they’d been asking Dorothy Dixers and leading questions for months,” Stevenson said.
“Whether it’s Dr Norman Swan getting it wrong all the time, the Doherty Institute’s cash-for-comment alarmism or any state premier press conference, there is a dearth of content to choose from,” a spokesman said.
The study, conducted by the Rodney King Institute, found that violence only begins once Victoria Police arrive and open fire on unarmed protestors.
“I’d like to make the point again, we spent the last 18 months destroying your lives, so you should be grateful you’re getting freedoms back that aren’t ours to give back anyway.”
“If you’ve ordered a latte and it’s really a cappuccino then you will be dealt with,” Commissioner Shane Patton said.
“All we did was continually poll a bunch of frightened middle-class public servants and formulate policy off of that. What other possibility was there?”
“It’s becoming increasingly hard to stay within the monetised YouTube algorithm, while delivering ‘edgy’ takes on team red vs team blue politics. I was funny years ago, but now most intelligent people have moved on,” Shanks said.
EZFKA PM Scott Morrison and Greens’ leader Adam Bandt have announced a historic merger after realising their open borders, employment and climate policies are identical. The two parties announced the merger at the climate conference in Glasgow this morning, right after the LNP and ALP merged last month. It is also believed “The New Liberals” … Read more
Feeling a bit logie today, but this is normally what regime change looks like. Think of a cricket match. We know who the expected winners are, and who the losers are likely to be…. But sometimes, the expected winners have an off day. The losers happen to have a new gun player. That moment in … Read more
“I’m delighted to facilitate the silent overthrow of the least densely populated territory in Australia, which contains a large number of our key defence facilities.”
Morrison, who is currently in the process of amending the Biosecurity Act to detain large groups of people, said the book would be censored immediately to keep the public safe.
“People still naively believe in these institutions and that anything will happen to these people, well they’d be insanely wrong,” a spokesman for IBAC said.
Senior Constable Chris Kennedy, of the Dandenong Police Station, said chronic fatigue was setting in after rounding up over 200 people in the last week and charging them for ‘incitement.’
“No-one will ever know what the real statistics are and how would you know anyway, we’ll just claim anything and repeat it a million times through the media until the midwits repeat it as gospel too.”
Last week, Dictator Dave recommended A State of Fear: How the UK government weaponised fear during the Covid-19 pandemic by Laura Dodsworth.
I thank Dictator Dave for the recommendation and now add Peachy Props to it!
“Never have we seen so many people needing peer validation for undergoing a medical procedure. Want to know if they’ve been vaccinated? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you,” Dr Nick Berenson said.
The staircase also known as John, which Andrews claims he slipped on and caused his six-month absence from politics, was issued the subpoena last night and has agreed to go on record before IBAC.
“We only saw blatant corruption activities from Indians, Cambodians and Vietnamese. This is clearly discriminatory to all other migrant groups,” Diversity Council CEO Ben Schafer said.
“Kerry really gave the game away when she muttered New World Order at the press conference a few weeks ago,” Premier Dominic Perrottet said.
“It’s a tell-all book from my journey on my knees in the dark rooms of Fyshick to being on my knees worshipping the dark lord in Spring Street,” Patten said.
Coming off the back of it’s cringey “Mask Up and Melbourne On” campaign, the convicted rapist will star in a series of ads urging Victorians to disrobe and insert something into their bodies against their will in order to feed their families.
“We’re proud to announce that no man may buy or sell, save he who have the mark of the vaccine passport,” Morrison said.
EZFKA Health Minister Greg Hunt has announced a million-dollar lottery with a “no jab, no ticket” entry, begging Australians to get vaccinated. Hunt has denied accusations that the vaccination statistics are massively inflated and that a million-dollar lottery to get vaccinated was not proof the the whole thing was a sham. “We’ve been very successful … Read more
“We’ve just spent the last 18 months bankrupting everyone with complete bullshit to the point of being unable to pay your mortgage. So, here we come with the prepared solution and this is how we’ll get your house, I mean, help realise the Aussie dream.”
Hi everyone and welcome to another lovely weekend here in sunny Sydney! Everyone is excited about the fact we ditched one premier, and deputy premier… the consensus seems to be – I don’t want to know about that! – which is very EZFKA, so we approve! So in the spirit of EZFKA unity… I’m really … Read more
“It’s a huge honour for us but honestly it hasn’t been hard. We’re the most useless fucking party in all of Australia at the state level,” Guy said.