Timbo

“If it’s high debt, high immigration and housing – we have you covered. There’s no real need to continue the pretense that there is a difference anymore,” Morrison said.

Modelled ‘in the true spirit of Bolshevism’ the facility will have armed guards, towers, razor wire and a ‘world class execution pit’ that will be able to process several political dissidents a day.

The former SBS presenter has denied that his support for resettlement for migrants ahead of the bankrupt middle-class, was purely a self-aggrandizing wank egged on by blue checkmarks and that he had no real idea about the nuances, costs and consequences of mass immigration.

“This is outrageous. People should be compensated for being lazy, hypochondriac arseholes that want everyone else to wear the risk while businesses are ruined,” Bandt said in a Facebook post.

“The wards are overwhelmed with snitches suffering serious facial injuries and we’re suffering a serious shortage of gauze and stitches. It’s a crisis,” NSW Health Minister Brad Hazzard said.

“This is absolutely disgraceful. Our officers are highly trained in shooting dogs for no reason and we weren’t consulted or given the opportunity to do so,” Fuller said.

“We know 15 status credits fuck all to offer in exchange for permanent long term damage or death, but we’re all about off loading risk to someone else here in EZFKA.”

NSW MP Victor Dominello, who suffered Bells Palsy after receiving his COVID jab, will be the public face of a campaign encouraging teens to upload their adverse reactions to Tik Tok for a chance to win great prizes. Following on from several videos being posted last week of Year 11 and Year 12 students having … Read more

“You selfish fucking bastard! How do you wear your mask incorrectly! You’re killing grandma and putting the rest of us at risk. I hope you don’t need a ventilator in ICU while people are dying!” Matthews screamed.

“This is yet another great collaboration between Victoria Police, the People’s Armed Police and the UN Strong Cities Network. We will continue to suppress dissent of those already suppressed financially and psychologically until full demoralisation is achieved and the camps are complete,” Patton said.

Former EZFKA Prime Minister John Howard has commended the Taliban on their recent gun control efforts, after the US has withdrawn from the country. The Taliban wasted no time seizing firearms from civilians after taking Kabul last week, with the penalty for not surrendering their guns being death. “It’s a great achievement that the Taliban … Read more

Qantas CEO Alan Joyce has announced a new program to kickstart tourism in EZFKA, with a new line of heavily discounted ‘insurance waiver’ flights to anyone who wants to roll the dice with a vaccinated pilot. Flights will be discounted up to 80% in some cases, particularly long haul flights when international borders re-open. Astra … Read more

An Australian citizen that has been stuck offshore since March 2020, has applauded the decision to bring Afghan refugees to Australia ahead of Australian citizens. John Christenson, who has been stuck in Indonesia since his engineering contract was ended due to COVID19, is one of the 36,000 Australians stuck overseas who can’t get a flight … Read more

“I mean, usually an autopsy can take anywhere up to a couple of weeks to get done and a report even longer than that. It’d mark the first time in history that the NSW government had worked this efficiently, so it’s a momentous occasion.”

A new study in EZFKA has found that life imprisonment for all of Australia’s state premiers, would end lockdowns instantly and return Australia to proper normalcy. The study, commissioned by the Institute of To The Barricades Mon Frere, found that putting all six state premiers and two territory chief minister in prison for no less … Read more

“I’m out of here mate. It’s a shithole and I didn’t think it would be worse than Geelong. Afghanistan will at least let us out past 9pm and won’t ram woke identity politics down my throat,” he said.

A man in the EZFKA city of Melbourne has stated that he’d much prefer to wait for Pfizer’s vaccine and Myocarditis, rather than risk it with blood clots from the Astra Zeneca. Drawing inspiration from Newscorp journalist Georgie Parker earlier in the week, David O’Reilly, 56, from Malvern said that he was not going to … Read more

A Melbourne man who voted for Dan Andrews has expressed his regret while watching the latest press conference on TV, where Andrews labelled behaviour of people in Richmond and Caufield as “shitty choices.” Robbo, 27, expressed his remorse from his couch, at electing a career bureaucrat drunk on power who is essentially ushering in “Weimar … Read more

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has told the Australian public that they should seek health advice on vaccines from their doctor, despite growing rates of vaccine resistance. However, a document made public this week showed that the Australian Health Practitioners Regulatory Authority has silenced all doctors in Australia from dissenting views and threatened to deregister anyone … Read more

Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has said that Victorians will get their freedoms bac,k as soon as they give up the few remaining ones they have. The Premier gave a terse press conference where he said that he may have to implement measures such as total bans on bodily movement, drinking water and ‘inhalation of any … Read more

Carpenters in the EZFKA region of Victoria are reporting overwhelming business inquiries for front door stair installation, after Premier Daniel Andrews threatened to ‘not hesitate’ about going ‘door to door’ to enforce vaccinations. The Premier made several passive aggressive threats in a press conference on Friday, saying he would not hesitate going door to door … Read more

Residents in the EZFKA city of Sydney have launched Operation Go Fuck Yourself, in response to NSW Government’s Operation Stay at Home and threats of fines and arrests. The operation has been launched in response to the NSW Government’s mask off declaration that none of what was happening was in response to public health, and … Read more

WA Premier Mark McGowan was rushed to St John of God Hospital with severe rectal bleeding last night, after massive blood loss from a series of papercuts from using the Australian Constitution as toilet paper. The Premier is believed to be in a serious but stable condition, but was rushed to hospital soon after the … Read more

The study, conducted by the Institute for Global Gaslighting, also found that Police, public servants and the entire Australian Capital Territory mysteriously remained completely unaffected by COVID despite being the deadliest pandemic of all-time.

The world’s largest investment fund, which has already been active buying up US residential real estate, is looking to pounce on distressed Australian assets and that the only way to do that was with further lockdowns.

NSW Police Commissioner Mick Fuller has defended claims that he’s destroying the middle class by enforcing CHO directions, after record numbers of small businesses were forced to close last week, sending thousands to the unemployment line.

Un ended the unofficial war with South Korea and implemented a US-style bill of rights immediately, after determining that citizens had complied with all of his demands for long enough.

After an ongoing public stoush with NSW Police and John Barilaro, the self-described “political gatekeeper for disaffected millennials” quietly purchased the three investment properties, including a multimillion-dollar property in exclusive Wentworth.

“It’s also part of our long-term strategy to get people used to a UBI and staying at home doing nothing, while we steal what’s left of your freedoms and wealth.”