Timbo

The Premier has made it clear that another move of goalposts is scheduled for December 15th, much to the dismay of copium addicts still believing anything the LNP says.

Lambie was reportedly offered 7 figures in exchange for her soul, with Satan and Pfizer CEO Albert Boula agreeing to terms with the independent earlier this year.

David Erikson from the North Shore, said it was a hard decision voting for which proxy of billionaire property moguls will destroy his suburb with high rise apartments and mass immigration.

The study, conducted by the Pay Us Protection Money Institute, found that black shirted government officials enforcing COVID mandates were essentially useless and should ‘go fuck themselves.’

Gunner is currently paying $1.05 after slightly nudging out Jacqui Lambie, Daniel Andrews and Scott Morrison for the top spot. Gunner’s recent unhinged performances on television this past week have him as the favourite to bring the book of revelation to reality.

Somyurek filed his vaccination papers today indicating he can attend parliament to vote. Andrews has offered cash payments of $100,000 to any Police member who takes out Somyurek within 100 metres of parliament house, with a free red shirt for any head shot.

Plibersek was honoured to accept the awards, however was disappointed that she couldn’t have done less during her tenure.

John Roberts, 47, watched his pet staffy Woofa die a slow, painful death due to a stomach infection, after several vets refuse to treat him due to his unvaccinated status.

It is understood that Catherine Andrews has reservations about moving to Beijing, due to the ‘high volume of traffic and number of cyclists.’

The gallows brought to the protest on Saturday was widely panned for being more ‘symbolic than functional’ and that it would be ‘impossible to actually hang anyone from.’ However, a separate one brought to the protest last night received critical acclaim for it’s functionality and realism.

General duties officers say they’re powerless to stop crooks and that Police command directives are a boon for criminals.

After a record number of protestors braved the cold weather to object to the pandemic legislation, experts from the Everything That’s Not Left Is Far Right Institute say that the far right have taken over Victoria by stealth and that drastic measures were needed.

Andrews, who was believed to be isolating with hurt feelings, says he will be looking into indefinite detention for any non-state media that attend press conferences.

The Premier has still not provided the health advice that was required under a court order, with government solicitors believed to be furiously copying and pasting some shit from Wikipedia and Google.

Buttrose also said that condescending lectures from Virginia Trioli, Patricia Karvelas and Julia Baird was it’s ‘highest rating content in Sydney and Melbourne.’

‘I’m really excited. Lockdown really made me miss that constant disappointment of never owning private property,’ Chris Foley, Sydney local, said.

Fitzsimons, who said on Twitter that he was ‘happy to receive a booster shot’, has received an overwhelming number of vaccines delivered to his mansion in eastern Sydney.

The bipartisan move comes as MP’s call for help after protests and general discontent among the populace grows. The unvaccinated will join religious groups, renters and the working-class poor on the watch list.

The Ex-Labor PM faced the media yesterday, but thanked them for looking the other way and not asking any difficult questions on Epstein.

Forrest and compatriot Gina Rinehart are expected to announce a new deal for ‘sustainable jet fuel’ from China this coming week.

Daniel Andrews says that a man arrested out the front of the Victorian Parliament with an alleged recurve bow, was ‘complete amateur hour’ and that more measures were needed to distract the public and manufacture consent for more draconian legislation. After increasing size of protests and Adem Somyurek appearing before IBAC, a man with a … Read more

The staffer has been increasingly neurotic the past few weeks with IBAC proceedings ongoing. Somyurek’s appearance yesterday prompted McCrone to apply for stress leave.

Over 20,000 marched in the city on the weekend to protest the pending pandemic legislation, with many officers upset they had to stand back and watch rather than open fire.

McGowan called the President for advice on how to deal with the public embarrassment and coping strategies, as iron ore continues to plummet below $100 a ton.

“People need to understand that words are violence and that asking unauthorised questions are considered an act of terrorism. I would like to remind New Zealand that the government is the sole source of accredited truth.”

Fairfax Chairman Peter Costello said the move had been in the works for some time and brushed off suggestions it was a conflict of interest.

Local man Robbo, 32, stated the 21st century version of the Soviet passport system can ‘go and get fucked.’