A new study has found a direct correlation between ALP leaders pussying out of responsibility and testing positive for COVID.
The study, done by the Lose the Unloseable Institute has found that ALP figureheads tend to test positive whenever under public scrutiny, with leader Anthony Albanese the latest victim.
“There’s a clear indication of COVID convenience whenever the ALP are in shit, just make up a positive COVID test and the ABC and Fairfax press doesn’t have to cover for you,” Dr Harry Callahan said.
“It was obvious when that cunt Dan Andrews wussed out of Warney’s funeral and it’s even more obvious now that mangina Albo has ducked out for a week so he can’t fuck anything up. Biden taught him well.”
The ALP has denied the allegations, but did admit they do have plans for further positive tests in the coming weeks.