Progressives Cancel PVO

Once a darling of Australian progressives, Peter Van Onselen (PVO) has performed the greatest heel turn since Hulk Hogan after taking legal action against Professor Gemma Carey over a defamatory Twitter comment and photo.

The photo in question included a young Christian Porter, Nick Coatesworth, Ainslie van Onlsen and PVO. For legal reasons we are unable to replicate the offending comment, so have replaced it with a substitute caption.

“It was a surprise bukkake party. Everyone came and you should have seen the look on her face.”

It is understood that PVO took the legal action in conjunction with Queensland MP Andrew Laming and former attorney general Christian Porter, with letters being sent to Carey from the same legal firm. Despite Carey apologising and deleting the tweet, PVO stated he would continue legal proceedings, drawing inspiration from Federal MP Peter Dutton who sued refugee advocate Shane Bazzi for calling him a rape apologist and likening him to the lovechild of Mr Potatohead, Harry Potter villain Voldemort and a hairless Police Chief Clancy Wiggum.

Professor Carey, a victim of sexual abuse and grooming who is also disabled and pregnant, has since deactivated her Twitter account. Following an initial backlash, PVO initially tried to distance himself from the action, expressing surprise before tweeting that it was ok because it was important to target people who can’t fight back.

PVO was at pains to make it clear he was the victim and not someone craving attention or suffering from relevance deprivation syndrome.

In response a crowd sourced legal defence fund promoted by Australian of the Year Grace Tame has so far raised over $200,000. PVO tweeted that this would help pay for a new boat, and tried to justify his actions stating that Carey wasn’t really pregnant as she was having a child through a surrogate.


PVO denied there was any sinister motivations behind the legal action. “It’s about maintaining my position as the most successful Van Onselen, which is important for Christmas barbecue bragging rights.”

“To be fair, there isn’t much competition,” mused Van Onselen. “I think I have a cousin who runs some two bit economics blog, but no one ever reads it.”

So what’s the next target for PVO?

“I’m pretty confident I can go after Scott Morrison.”

“His election win in the 2019 really harmed my reputation, so we’re in the process of drafting a legal concerns notice now.”

“You don’t have any idea how many times that stupid image was shared.”


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LSWCHP

So is he the creepy guy on the left in the pic with his head strangely bent over? He looks like a weirdo.

canuckdownunder

Is the substitute caption basically saying the same thing as the original tweet? I’m trying to work out what this story is about.

Peachy

It’s quite cryptic, innit?!

also impossible (without already knowing what happened) to tell with any certainty exactly where the larf is being had…

  • is it that the professor is pregnant, though using a surrogate (while men can give birth and chest-feed)?
  • is it that randoms are sending money to fund the legal assault (while Porter got funded by a “blind” trust)?
  • is it that the cousin runs a two bit economic blog (while the blog has no more than one bit, on a good day)?
  • is it the bukkake thing (while apparently bukkake means “sprinkles”, which seems quite innocuous)

🤯🤯🤯🤯

Last edited 18 days ago by Peachy
Stewie

As someone who appreciates the rare esoteric insult, I commend you on some fine captioning.

harry

Thanks for the rundown.
I would never have been able to piece that together.
Or interested enough, to be honest.

canuckdownunder

Thanks.

I’m not sure about Peachy’s two bit blog though, according to DLS it’s the most widely read economics and business blog in Australia (per his linkedin)!

T

This was really helpful I was very confused thank you.

Coming

Firstly, he is completely in-line – you are not pregnant if you are paying a surrogate to have a kid for you

Secondly, why isn’t she having the kid herself? Unless she literally does not have a uterus

Thirdly, this sounds like a hilarious shit show but it would be much funnier if I actually knew who anyone of these people were

Coming

So is this article satire? It is tagged as satire
Or did this happen?

I have no idea what is going on

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