The Economic Zone Formerly Known As Australia is facing a critical shortage of conspiracy theories, as more and more of them begin to come true.
As lockdowns, QR code surveillance, masks and mandatory but not mandatory vaccinations proliferate, the Morrison government was concerned that the gap between conspiracy theory and fact was now down to a few days.
“It’s frightening for us and the spin doctors. We still have overt martial law up our sleeves, that’s why I’ve got Lieutenant Frewin on the television as a veiled threat. But after that happens, fucked if I know what we can come up with,” Prime Minister Scott Morrison said.
‘Greg Hunt is out there doing his best massively inflating the vaccination numbers so we can trick people into taking the vaccine with some good old-fashioned FOMO. We all know the vaccine passport and social credit scores are what we’re after. However, if that doesn’t work we may also have to pull the aliens card.”
Despite the increased resistance to lockdowns and public sentiment turning against state premiers, Morrison remained confident they can deliver.
“We’re confident we can still hoodwink the population. Majority of them act like useless eaters with sub 90 IQ’s, so what do we care? We aren’t the world’s longest running penal colony for nothing!”