Qantas CEO Alan Joyce has announced that any passengers on it’s international services will have to submit to COVID anal swabs performed by flight attendants, every 15 minutes while onboard the flight.
The move, instantly approved by Joyce, comes as the airline looks to commit economic suicide and become the next best shorting opportunity for savvy investors.
Joyce said flights to and from China will be the first to implement the move.
“This is all about keeping people safe in line with the Australian obsession with regulation. It’s not been an issue on the hundreds of flights we’ve made since the borders closed, but it now arbitrarily is all of a sudden,” Joyce said.
“We know we’ll always get a bailout so we don’t really give a fuck. This is EZFKA – I gave up on profitability years ago. This time it’s Qantas jamming it right up the taxpayer’s arse, literally.”
Qantas is also reportedly considering a 24 hours pre-flight airport check-in and a pre-flight booster shot.