A breakthrough study has found that turning off Australian mainstream media outlets permanently solves COVID and has called for the lifting of all restrictions immediately.
The study, conducted by the Institute of Non-Globalist Shitcunts, found that turning off Australian TV, radio and not reading corporate newspapers has a 100% efficacy on symptoms of COVID and that Australia could get back to pre-March 2020 tomorrow if the majority switched off.
The ABC was most notably concerned.
“Saturating the plebs with endless fear porn, videos of people in intensive care units with no context, daily case announcements and similar has no effect when people are ignoring us,” a spokesman for the ABC said.
“Even the controlled opposition fake conservatives at Sky News Australia are having a hard time pushing the vaccine and lockdowns.”
Prime Minister Scott Morrison stated he acknowledged the study’s findings but would push on with the World Economic Forum directives, “until the cyber pandemic arrives.”